Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in Lounge- Contemplations

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Executive Officer) in Lounge- Contemplations

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in Lounge- Contemplations
Posted by… suppressed (12) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“It’s a good song.” Aasrel commented. Not his favorite, but the way she sang it still sounded nice. He shrugged then, “Isn’t that all anyone can do?”

~ Izei, CMO

“As best I can tell, yes. Goodness knows I get it wrong as often if not more than I get it right.” She started playing again, but this time it was a very different piece. She closed her eyes as she slipped into the memory of when she first heard Romanza, a Spanish guitar piece, and she channeled all those feelings. The heady summer nights, the flush of new love. It brought a soft smile to her face.

Calloway opened her eyes and looked at Aasrel. “Are you happy on the Asimov?” she asked.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel’s smile faded momentarily, but he quickly plastered it back on. Happy? That felt out of reach for him now. He’d thought getting his implants removed would make him happy again. It hadn’t. It didn’t help that the results weren’t quite what he wanted, but that wasn’t really the problem. “I… I guess you could say that.”

~ Izei, CMO

She snorted. “I know the feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad to be assigned here originally, but a lot happened on that mission and I guess the shininess of a proper fleet position wore off fast. I want to love it here, but a part of me is always resistant about getting attached to places. Things always changed too easily for that.” The trouble with deep cover is that you rarely went back again, so places she lived for long periods of time became memories best not remembered. It was kind of sad at times.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“It’s not that, I mean… Not that I’ve ever been on that kind of mission before, I haven’t, but,” he shrugged. “I wasn’t that happy on a more… uhm, standard, ship either.”

~ Izei, CMO

She nodded as she played. “Sometimes life is such that we float along until something changes. I’m still trying to figure it out myself.” As far as Shara was concerned she had made amazing progress in letting herself be seen. Getting remarried was about the biggest thing she could have ever done and she had done so with her inhibitions removed. But that wasn’t how life worked most days and conquering her different fears in order to exist as she was on this ship was no small feat.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

All the progress Aasrel had made since coming to Azimov, he credited to Bethany. If it weren’t for her… even if they hadn’t ended up together like they had, well… he wasn’t sure where he’d be. He sighed and shrugged, “Float is one word. I think I’d use sink, sink like bricks are tied to my waist.”

~ Izei, CMO

“Been there too,” she said softly. She had only talked about the reason for her PTSD to a few people, and even then the surface story details were as far as she went with most. Micah was probably the one person who knew the most outside of the classified records, though she rarely let herself get into the weeds of the details. She had actually worked through the worst of it early on after her recovery from that mission, and unless it was necessary, she tried to not let her mind go there. It just didn’t help.

~Shara Calloway, XO

He’d had his telepathy back for a few months, but it was still taking Aasrel time to readjust to it. So he’d heard more of her thoughts than he really wanted to. The permanent alterations to his body made it hard for him not to go there. It was easier now, with his visible implants removed, but he still struggled with the fact that the whole situation trying to fix him had ended in the loss of two of his limbs. His fist clenched slightly before he forced it to relax. “I don’t think it helps either of us to dwell there.”

~ Izei, CMO

Shara took a measured breath, and if she was startled by his statement, or rather his accurate reflection of her thought, she didn’t show it. “No. But I do like to think about the variables that allowed me to get here, to this moment. It’s the realization that any one variable could have bene different and we’d be vastly different people living perhaps incomprehensible lives to what we have now. Hell, I could be an accomplished touring pianist if my mother hadn’t died when I was a teenager. But just as easily, even if she had lived to support music, it didn’t mean I wouldn’t have had other events happen that changed my trajectory away from that sort of life.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel nodded, but then shook his head. “I’d rather not go there.” It was different for him, in his mind, one event that had changed everything, one event he wished never happened. “Would you want to have been a pianist?”

~ Izei, CMO

She titled her head upwards and to the side, her fingers no longer working the strings. In the space of that silence Shara allowed herself to imagine her in a similar position as her mother. Sitting on a stage in front of a beautiful piano with an auditorium full of people all waiting for that first precipitous note. She blinked and looked back at Izei. “Yeah, I think I might have,” she said softly, a shade of sorrow in her eyes. “But, because I didn’t, I have had the privilege of being married to two very incredible men and I have two amazing daughters and a son-in-law. It might not have been the life I had dreamed of, but all told, I have had some really good things happen to balance the terrible.”

~Shara Calloway, XO

Aasrel nodded again. “I suppose the only thing to do is think about what is, not what could have been.” He nodded to the instrument. “You should play something. I like your music.”

~ Izei, CMO

Shara drew a fingertip along the edge of the guitar, tracing the curved line of the body. “It’s strange. I can play my guitar in public no problems, but the piano? It’s much harder. Since I’ve joined Starfleet, I’ve done so twice: at a long overdue wake we held for Tracken Two and at my daughter’s wedding before we went off on our last mission. Other than that, the only time I play is for my husband and other family. I want to play, but I haven’t quite figured out why I can’t here.”

~Shara Calloway, XO

“Would it help to teach someone? Like, maybe, me?” Aasrel said, and then shrugged, “I mean, maybe not, but the thought just… Occured to me.” He said, and then he promptly stopped talking and instead focused on the present emotion to see how she reacted.

~ Izei, CMO

Surprised touched her face first before Shara gave a soft smile. “Huh, I’ve shown people the odd thing now and again, but it’s been years. My daughter Faye always said I was a good teacher though.” Her smiled widened. “Did you know I used to teach upper level mathematics to the kids on our colony?”

Shara nodded. “I like the idea. We can use a holosuite, so… I’m game if you are.”

~Shara Calloway, XO