Posted by Civilian Micah Pikelsimer (Federation Security Agent) in From the Shadows Comes Hope- A Walk

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Executive Officer) in From the Shadows Comes Hope- A Walk

Posted by Civilian Micah Pikelsimer (Federation Security Agent) in From the Shadows Comes Hope- A Walk
Posted by… suppressed (12) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Micah stared at the table after Daggum’s ‘question’. He listened to the exchange between mother and daughter, his hands in fists in his lap. But with Faye’s last remark, he looked up and set hard eyes on her. “I think ya can climb down off your moral high-horse now.” and his eyes flicked to Daggum. “The both of ya.” He lifted his glass and took a drink, and then said “It ain’t like anyone at this table ‘cept Nadine has picked a life that allows for that kinda perspective. All ‘a us live lives of risk. Sacrifice. And each an everyone one’a us chose to do it looooong before any of us knew the others even existed.” He looked at Daggum and said “You wanna answer to your shitty little question, boy? You know the godd@÷n answer. You make the same choice e’ry time ya walk through that hatch on the Athena. It ain’t like you always know you’re comin’ back, either.” He looked at Faye. “Yeah, Blue was involved. Hell, he was focus point of all of it! He and I built the op together. An’ ya wanna know what his primary motivation to do it was? It was ‘cause those sonnavabit<hes had used you. Same for me.” He glared at her for a long moment. “You ain’t been my daughter long, Faye. Hell, maybe ya don’t even think’a me ann you like that. Fine… but yer still my daughter. An’ ain’t nobody nowhere allowed to f^<k with my kids.” He looked at Nadine and then Daggum. “Same goes for the both’a ya.” He stood up and downed the last of his moonshine. “Now if’n y’all’ll excuse me. I’m gonna step outside before I get really pissed.” and he turned and walked out the front door.

Micah

“Oh, hell no,” Faye said, setting her drink down and following Micah out the door. Sharah tried to reach out to Faye but was brushed off. This was something she needed to do.

“Hey!” she called out to Micah. “You wanted to have this conversation now. You don’t get to storm out because it got uncomfortable! You want to be my father, then stay. I’m so tired of people choosing to not stick around, so goddammit, be different. I call you Pops. Does that mean nothing to you? Because it meant everything to me when Nadine and I decided on that name for you.”

Micah stopped and turned, crossing his arms on his chest and glaring at her. Not in anger or judgement, but with… something else.

She stood there, hands on her hips and tears running down her face. “I do get that it’s hard. And knowing Blue was involved told me everything. Dag will get it tangentially. Nadine, not at all. This is no high-horse I’m on. Do you have any idea how hard these months have been on my BPD? And then you two call like it’s any old call and tell Dag and I we’re getting R&R. Great. Fantastic. I’m thrilled to see you, but every time you two do something drastic, I can’t keep up. And I get it, I don’t get to say sh!t about your mission. Fine. But realize that your absence and sudden reappearance has been super triggering for me. You need to remember how Mom showed up in my life again. Not at that facility on Unroth, but on the Manhattan. I started letting people in and that is super scary. Hell, I got married. But if you think I have my abandonment issues all worked out, you’d be wrong. And it’s not your problem, but you do have to navigate that with me. If we’re family. If we’re not? Well then, I guess there’s nothing left to talk about, is there?” Her breathing was ragged and her heart thudding in her ears. Yes, she was prone to angry outbursts, but this isn’t what this was. She was being open, and vulnerable, and it was simply because she loved this man. He was important to her. And in her own way, Faye was making a stand for them as a family.

Micah didnt come near her, but almost yelled across the distance seperating them. “And do you get that this time, right now, this is about how you mom is! How she is holding up! Hun, I love ya like you’re my own blood; but right now I’m a helluva lot more worried about your ma than I am you.”

“As you should be!” Faye said with a laugh. “Someone has to talk her off the ledge once in awhile. You think my father did so well at it? Sometimes, maybe before I was born but later on? When there was all that drama with my Uncle Gavin? It got too much that it was more preferable to run away on a dangerous mission than stay with the family she built. And this time is different. I can understand that now. And I’m worried about her too. But we’re all in this together, aren’t we? do’t think for a damn second that I am not acutely aware of why my mother has PTSD in the first place. It’s not my fault. I know that, but I’m never not going to feel responsible. Nothing you do is going to change how this situation started, how she and I came back to each other. So yes, be worried for her. Support her. But this is abut how we as a family move forward. Because one of these days I might actually like to have children of my own like Dag and I talked about, and I damn well want them to have a family to be a part of. I don’t want to repeat the dysfunction my parents had in theirs.”

“Then don’t, Faye. Thats is wholly and completely up to you and your husband and has exactly jack and s#!t to do with what is happening right now. Right here? Right now? This is only about her and how we can get her settled back. Because until we get her grounded, nothing else is gonna hold, Faye… and you godd@&n well know it!” Micah snapped back. “You wanna do family therapy? Great. We all need it for sure. But right now ain’t the time. And when you decide that your Ma is the priority right now, call me.” and he spun and walked off into the darkness, swearing loudly.

Inside, Nadine eyed her moonshine and knocked a rather unhealthy amount back in one go. Shara reached out and took the glass away. “Hey now, go easy on that,” she said, eyeing her daughter with concern.

But Nadine took the glass back with a glare. “I can do what I damn well like, now can’t I? Everyone else does.”

“Care to share with the class what’s eating you?”

Nadine just took another gulp.

Daggum silently reached over and gently, but firmly, took the glass from her. “That’s not the answer.” he said softly.

Nadine didn’t respond and seemed to shrink slightly.

Shara was a bit at a loss, and worried 9the least of which being their family genetics when it came to alcohol). Nadine and Faye were such different people and she was still getting to know both of them properly. She looked to Daggum, trying to gauge where he was at. “I’m used to having lots of regrets. Just know that I have never claimed to be perfect. If I could take back the pain caused, I would. You’re protecting Faye in your own way and I’m glad for that. She needs someone to do that sometimes. And I can actually make that promise that that was the last time, but I’ll explain in a bit.”

~Shara et al.

Daggum looked at her for a long time and then said “If you make it, keep it. Because if you or that sanctimonious prick of a husband of yours break it… again… I can promise you that will be the last time you will ever have to worry about making any promise to her ever again.” and he stood up and looked at Nadine. “Feel like a walk?” he asked her.

Micah / Daggum

Nadine gave a nod. “Air would be good.” She pushed herself to her feet and looked at Shara. “I’m not angry at you, truly. I’m scared because I waited a long time to find you and after all these years it was hard for you to suddenly be gone. I’ve had too much of that in recent years of my life. I’m not in a place where i can handle too much more of it.” She didn’t wait for a response, or Dag, and stepped outside.

In the late afternoon mountain air, Nadine watched Micah and Faye have it out and simply headed in the direction of the cabns, though she was walking slow in case Daggum was going to go with her.

~Shara et al.

Daggum was indeed with her. As they made their way away from the yelling and screaming, Daggum sighed heavily. “All three of them are stubborn, pig-headed, irrational, emotional idiots when it comes to dealing with each other. I hope you figured that out already.” he said with a shake of his head and another sigh.

Micah / Daggum

She gave him a lopsided smile. “I’ve gathered,” Nadine said before she gestured with her head. “Come on, I’ll show you something.”

Nadine wandered past the cabins and alongside the meadow that was a part of the clearing. Just past it was where the woods started and would lead to the creek and then up towards the mountains that cradled this glade. It was a different time of year then when she had been here last, but only by a couple of months. Still, she knew what she could find out here having done her research.

As they reached the edge of the woods, the trees were sparser and Nadine stopped, her eyes gazing around. Finally, she grinned and moved carefully off the rough path until she reached a patch where wide long leaves were growing up from the ground. She crouched and carefully pulled at the stalk of one of the plants. It came up with a gentle tug and twist. Nadine shook off the dirt and held it up to Daggum. “We’re in the perfect season for ramps. They are a good substitute for garlic. We might even find some mushrooms given it rained a bunch in recent days.”

~Nadine

Daggum looked at her with a confused expression. “I’m sorry… what?” he said and shook his head. “They’re over there getting ready to have a showdown and you are gardening?” he asked and then chuckled and shook his head, k feeling down next to Nadine. “You really are a Calloway girl, huh?” and he started pulling ramps.

Daggum

Nadine was something the other women in the family were not: serene. Faye was volatile, Shara held a cold and quiet fury, but Nadine didn’t wear her anger openly. In some ways the time leading up to her and Jaewoon’s divorce would have bene easier if she bene able to tap into that familiar trait of expressiveness. “No, more accurately I’d be a Costa girl. Different dad,” she said with a wink. “Costa is Shara’s mother’s maiden name. Its the one to changed to after she left Midos because she didn’t want to be associated with her as Conner.”

“I’ll just go with ‘Shara’s girl’ and leave it at that.” he said with a grin.

She pulled a ramp and laid it across her palm. “I like the outdoors. Enjoyed hiking. But it was Micah who taught me how to look closer to what was around me, to pay attention and really see my environment. A few days here and I left a changed person, Daggum. Yes, there is a lot of anger going around, but I don’t think it’s the kind that will hurt anyone seriously. And you, Micah, and I have to remember that Faye and Shara have a history together that we do not. Theirs is a complicated relationship and sometimes, despite how much we want to mediate and smooth things over, we need to step back and let them sort through it.” She sat back n her heels and looked at the large Orion that was her brother-in-law. “I promised Micah when I agreed to learn about my birth mother that I wasn’t out to harm her. That is still true. But what Shara and Micah have to realize is that our lives also still had to keep happening while they were doing… whatever it was exactly that they were doing. And I don’t know about you, but it’s not exactly been easy lately. So yes, I’m foraging a few things for dinner in the hopes that when we get back to the main cabin, I understand where my own feelings are at just now so I don’t add fuel to the fire unnecessarily. I highly recommend this option for you too.”

~Nadine Wells

Daggum smiled and said “Oh, you don’t have to worry about me, Nadine.” with a small chuckle. “I spent plenty of time with professionals so that I am very much aware of my feelings and mental state. It took a lot of years of help and practice, but I am confident that I can say I am at least able to know when my feelings are getting to be.... well… ‘more than are necessary’, shall we say.” He pulled some more rasps and set them aside, his green fingers piercing the soil with ease and removing them root and all.

“Faye and Shara have a history, yes. But those two also need to start taking the history the rest of us have into account.” He looked at Nadine and said “I don’t know Shara all that well, but I know Faye. And sometimes their history starts to swallow up everything else… even their future. It falls to to the people they have like you, Micah, and me to make sure they have an anchor to keep from falling away.”

Daggum

Nadine gave a huff that was almost a snort. “I’m not sure I’m the best person to be holding others together, but as I learn more about how I fit in to all this, I will try.”

She stood, ramps held loosely in her hand and stepped to the trees, checking the trunks and ground for any signs particular mushrooms might be present. “Faye said last time we talked that she’s been having a hard time with her symptoms. She doing any better or has Shara and Micah’s reappearance made it worse?”

~Nadine

Daggum stood and brushed off his knees. “She is… different. I’m not sure what it is, but her episodes are kind of… not the same. Better and worse at the same time. I can’t really describe it.” He moved near her and began looking around. He spied a large fallen tree nearby and said “Here, see if there are any here.” He put a hand on one end and the log raised up off the ground and he peered underneath. “Anything?”

Daggum

Nadine bent and peeked. “Nope. Not seeing anything around just now but we should check daily. It was raining when I set out a few days ago on my trek and usually after a good rainfall we’ll see mushrooms two to ten days later. So any day now I would say.”

Daggum shrugged and said “Okay. I don’t know much about living off the land; but I did design and build one hell of a mushroom house once.’ and helaughed. He let go of the log and fell to the earth with a very solid THUD.

She moved back towards the loose path and looked around. “I sometimes forget this place just isn’t Micah and Sharah’s. It’s ours too. It’s strange to think that we’re a part of some sort of legacy now, that it will potentially exist past us as well. Well, not me, but you and Faye perhaps based on her comments.”

~Nadine

“Why not you?” Daggum asked. “You still have a long life ahead of you. Why not a legacy for you as well?” His words were not judgemental or harsh. In fact, they carried a sense of empathy and understanding that seemed… odd… for someone who was by all outward appearances well-adjusted and grounded.

Daggum

For some reason, despite it being a completely reasonable question, Nadine was thrown. She blinked back tears and looked away, at least pretending to survey the other tress for mushrooms she knew wouldn’t be there. “I’ve had a child, Daggum, and it was a difficult and emotionally painful process getting to the point of having a baby in my arms. Losing him destroyed my life and me. I’ve thought about other ways but there are different things at play and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready.” Looking back at him, she had gathered herself. “Besides, I’m fifty now and already had fertility issues. Giving birth to a baby myself is most definitely not on the table, no matter how much I might have wanted it.”

~Nadine

Daggum lifted another log, giving her a chance to compose herself. Seeing some of what they sought, he flung the log away and knelt down. “I know about your son, Nadine.” he said softly. “And I cannot begin to imagine what his loss feels like.” he said as his fingers dug in the soil pulling out the mushrooms. “But as speaking as someone who never had parents… or a family… or a home growing up; I can tell you that the galaxy is full of kids who could use a mother’s love… whether or not that mother shares genetics or not.”

Daggum

She struggled to still her racing heart but after many years of needed to be ‘on’ with kids around, Nadine had gotten good at telling her body to calm down. “I know. And I’ve thought about adoption.” She paused and the subsequent sigh was far more forceful than she expected. “I am adopted, remember? There are complicated feelings there, especially when my newfound birth mother just ups and disappears a few months after I finally found her. I spent decades looking for her Daggum. I gave up on the idea of ever knowing anything about her. But then she practically fell into my lap one day and came with step-dad, and a sister and brother-in-law. An Uncle, Aunt and Cousin. Not to mention an alcoholic and abusive grandfather who Gavin says is getting pretty bad and probably won’t live much longer, nor my birth dad and his family.”

“This is about more than Joshua. Its about the family I bring a child into. It’s not just me, but everyone else. And I had been prepared when Micah first brought me here”-she gestured around them-“to be content with knowing who she was, and maybe my birth dad, and call it okay. I could walk away knowing I still had the two people who raised me and have always loved me. But that’s not what happened. You all proved too amazing to walk away from, and that’s great. But right now I’m not in the best place to go to an adoption agency. I don’t want to bring a child into my life now because I reacting to everything else around me. That’s not fair to them.”

~Nadine