Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in Lounge- Contemplations

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Executive Officer) in Lounge- Contemplations

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in Lounge- Contemplations
Posted by… suppressed (17) by the Post Ghost! 👻
The aftermath of their mission still lingered and Shara could see those effects woven into so much of everyone’s daily life on the Asimov. It was something that was going to take time to unravel, especially since people like her had been so adamant about each crewmember committing to their personas. ‘Elaine’ was having a hard time dissipating, but Shara felt more like herself each and every day. So much so that she was sitting in one of the padded chairs in the corner seating set-up, casual in her ‘off-duty’ uniform of a grey turtleneck sweater and black cargo pants. Her boots were off and she had her socked toes braced on the edge of the low coffee table while she strummed her guitar, humming. It felt good to be playing again in this way- a release of sorts- and she was about as unguarded as most of the crew had ever seen her.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel picked a comfy, padded chair and took a seat. Though many of the implants were gone, he still wore a long sleeved shirt and gloves, paired with long pants, high socks, and casual shoes. His hair carefully arranged on his head. He was lucky in terms of the post mission effects, having not had an alternate ID, but instead been deemed a traitor. He had enough identity issues as it was, anyway.

He recognized the crew member with the guitar, he’d seen her around but only spoken to her under professional circumstances, as a doctor and patient. That was, for now, not the case, and so he offered a small wave. His attempt at friendliness, a skill he was out of practice with.

~ Izei, CMO

“Hey, Doc,” Shara said with an ease that was so contrary to how she had been during their entire mission. Of course, her persona had been self-inflicted, a twist of her own (it was always easier to sell lies when they were borne of truth). “How have you been?”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel smiled just a little, Bethany called him Doc like that. “I’ve been okay. You? Have things been easier for you?”

~ Izei, CMO

She continued to pick at the strings with her bare fingers, letting the notes drift into each other. There was no particular direction or melody and yet there was a satisfying progression to the music. “Well, it certainly helps to not be in a persona anymore. I’ve been far too good at it in my career and I’m glad to be done with it. The fallout though… it has many layers to it that I’m still working my way through, as I’m sure many people are.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel nodded without really understanding. He was no psychologist. “The crew needs time. Things will improve,” he said, parroting the things others had said, both about this mission and to him, before.

~ Izei, CMO

“Mmmm,” she said, noncommittally. It could and it likely would, but not on its own. “But I’ve been in high-stakes situations many, many times, and in my experience a group doesn’t recover and grow in a positive way unless there is a pathway carved for that recovery. It’s like knowing there is a virus going around the ship but just sitting back and waiting to see how things go. Most doctors I know wouldn’t be so lackadaisical with the health of the crew. So yes, while everyone needs time, there also needs to be a more concerted effort to make sure everyone’s in a good place. Yes, we all went through post-mission screening, but these things don’t always show up the way you think they will.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel glanced at Shara with almost a shocked expression. “Commander, I’m… I’m not a psychologist. I don’t have any training of that kind. My job is the physical health of the crew. Call me lackadaisical if you like, but crew morale is primarily a counselor’s duty.”

~ Izei, CMO

“All doctors do a rotation in psyc, but yes, I will grant that that is not your speciality and that it will be primarily someone else’s domain.” Shara continued to pick away at the strings, her improvised melody light and breezy. “I only mention it because as you are all too aware in a case like mine, both medical and counselling have to be involved at times. It will affect your department if people aren’t sleeping and having other issues. They might not go to the counsellor first since most won’t know the signs and what they are dealing with. It’s just a friendly suggestion from a person who has been dealing with post-trauma issues for years, but you may want to keep an eye on things and be prepared.” It wasn’t a criticism, it really wasn’t. But Shara didn’t offer info freely if she didn’t think it important.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“I know it does,” Aasrel replied, more defensively than he intended. He knew all too well the physical effects of mental health issues. He was supposed to be seeing a counselor himself. He sighed softly. “I’ll keep an eye out. Thanks.”

~ Izei, CMO

She gave a half nod and reached beside her, lifting the guitar pick with her thumb and index finger. Shara shifted from picking the strings to strumming very gently, each strong more enunciated. “I am having less nightmares. They still crop up, but not like they were, so at least that part of the medication seems to be working.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“Good.” Aasrel glanced at her, “The other part isn’t working? How so?” He had his own nightmares to deal with, that he was ignoring, but Shara was his patient, he’d make sure he was doing the best he could for her.

~ Izei, CMO

She shrugged one shoulder as she played. “Emotional dysregulation. Some anxiety I can’t always identify. It’s hard to explain, but I’ve had this thing before where I suddenly become on edge. Not panicky, but hypervigilant. I would actually say that is worse now that our mission is over than it was during.” It made sense to a point. After all, while they were in it, they were all playing a role. Shara could commit to that 100% and move along towards their desired outcome. But now the game was stripped away and she was left to wade through the implications, especially the fact that she had walked away from a life that was slowly destroying her only to be forced to do it all over again. If it happened once, what was to say it wouldn’t happen again? That it wouldn’t be necessary?

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“You ever think about moving to a different position? Retiring, even?” Aasrel shrugged. “I’m not saying you should, but… those symptoms aren’t likely to get better, least of all places this ship.”

~ Izei, CMO

“I’m aware,” she said softly. “And yes, I thought about retiring. To just saying screw it and leaving Starfleet. But then what? I’ve got a lot of good years left and the reality is that I’m a certain kind of person. I don’t do well being idle and I feel most at ease in my life when I’m serving in some way. Could I do something to serve society that wasn’t in the Fleet? Yes. But I’ve also been doing the same sort of thing for a really long time. And I’m good at it. My hope was that I could take all my skills I used in covert operations and channel that into something less… devastating for me. It’s not the work itself, mind you, it’s the sacrifices that are required. The things of myself I gave up in order to do that work. I asked for a regular duty post because I truly believed I could still be of use. I still think so, even if my confidence in that belief is… well, more than a little damaged.” Shara stopped playing. “We all want to be useful, right? I just think I haven’t had a fair shot at it in this context. But maybe you’re onto something, maybe I’m kidding myself. I don’t know yet.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel shrugged. “I could’ve quit. Maybe I should have. But I couldn’t bring myself to. I guess we’re similar in that aspect.” He glanced at her, “What about Security? Bethany… Commander Gadi, she switched from intelligence to Security.”

~ Izei, CMO

Shara shook her head and started to play again, this time playing a song from her past, one that reminded her of Edward. “I’ve done my fighting and I’m not really a ‘middle-of-the-action’ person. I don’t know. I’m realistic about my skill set and, well, you have to understand how determined the uppers were to keep me doing filed work, even though the psychologists in Intelligence said it was a terrible idea and wouldn’t sign off on it. Not that I wanted them to.” She smirked. “But oh the arguments that happened. Ahhh, I kind of do miss the way certain admirals would loss it in meetings when I told them no. There’s a certain amount of… flexibility you get when you’ve had a career like mine.” She was sort of rambling but Shara was trying to work out what someone like her could even do that was so different and yet still be in Starfleet. It did seem like quite the challenge. “I did consider teaching some more with Intelligence. I don’t know.”

“What made you stay?”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel shrugged uncomfortably. “Well… Same reason, I guess. What else would I do? Go be a doctor on Betazed?” He shrugged again,” “I… I just didn’t want to do that.”

~ Izei, CMO

She snorted. “Yep. It’s hard for people like us, who have lived some vastly different experiences than most. You work so hard to find a place where you feel you fit best and then it’s really hard to envision yourself doing anything else.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Aasrel nodded. “I mean, I’m not like you, even on this last mission, I was just myself, only declared a ‘traitor’. And I’ve never done anything like that before. But… Being a doctor for Starfleet… Going back to Betazed could never compare.”

~ Izei, CMO

It wasn’t what she was referring to but Shara was never one to go where people didn’t want to. This was social, not work, after all. She did snort though. “Well, having been deemed an actual traitor in my life, I can assure you it sure puts a damper on your social schedule. And much like back then, we weren’t in this alone.”

“You know, Betazed isn’t the only place you could go, right? There’s an entire galaxy out there,” she said, casting her gaze towards the stars that so often called to her. they still did and that was why she was here, on a starship, rather than roaming her and Micah’s land living a quiet and content life. Would they ever stop calling? Shara had no idea.

~Shara Calloway, CIO