Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Gadi’s Quarters- Commiseration

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in Gadi’s Quarters- Commiseration

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Gadi’s Quarters- Commiseration
Posted by… suppressed (12) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Elaine Shara carried a dark blue velvet bag in her hand as she strolled through the ship. Debriefing was done and as far as it felt like for her, nothing had changed. For the moment. Sure, they had their names cleared and there was a new medal to add to her small collection (Micah would have to frame theirs when they got to Tennessee, but as far as her brain was concerned, she was still on the job. It happened every time she went under cover. There was just no easy way for her to slip back into her own self other than to wait it out. And the longer she spent in a cover, the longer it took.

Seven months was a long time and as she knew all too well, reintegration took its sweet time.

There was a moment after she left her and Micah’s quarters that she momentarily missed the cramped old Azzy. She missed being able to knock on Bethy’s door through the bathroom. Strange as that might be, there had been a sort of forced camaraderie inherent in tighter quarters that she sort of missed.

Making her way down the deck, Shara pressed the chime on Gadi’s quarters, her Elaine-swagger still annoying embedded in her body. At least she had managed to feel comfortable in her old clothes again: black cargo pants and a grey tutleneck.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bethany was already half a bottle in when the chime on her door sounded. Her new senses told her who it was and she took a breath, steeling herself to not show her new senses. She walked over to the door and opened. “Shara or is it still Elaine? Come in.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

She stepped in, looking Bethany over. “You know, some agents could flip from one persona to another at the snap of a finger. Not me. I spent too long in them and it takes far too much time for my liking getting out of them. Elaine is being a bit resistant to leaving but I’m working on it.”

Bethany nodded, “Yeah, I get that. I know some that can slip back and forth from several personas in the course of a day and never slip. It takes me a couple weeks to get into it and then back out. That’s why I’m very selective over my covers and don’t use them unless necessary.”

Shara lifted the velvet bag. “I’ve been really good that last few months after I realized I was drinking more than was probably wise. I was going to ask if you wanted to commiserate with me over a bottle, but looks like you’re way ahead of me.” Bethy was probably one of the few on board that truly understood Shara’s struggle to reintegrate at the moment.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“It’s one of those days.” Bethany walked over to the desk and opened up a drawer and pulled out a single glass. She’d been drinking straight from the bottle of Gentleman Jack. “Want some?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“Definitely,” she said, moving over to the sofa and all but draping herself into the corner. That wasn’t Shara and she forced herself to sit more naturally (as herself). Shara set the bag on the floor, careful to keep it upright, and the bag slunk against the contents, forming a bottle shape.

“So, what’s the reason du jour for you being three sheets to the wind already?” she said with a tiny and teasing smirk.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bethany poured a glass and brought it to her and then sank into a chair with the bottle and took a swig from it. Bethany raised a brow and laughed, “Do you actually not know or are you being polite?” She laughed, but it was very very dark.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“Polite… not my strong suit, but I wasn’t going to just waltz in and demand you talk about things, now was I?” she said with a shrug.

Shara took a generous gulp of the whiskey and let the sensation of it slipping down her throat steady her. “Do you want to talk about it? Or just drink? I’m good either way. It’s been a hell of a seven months and while things aren’t quite as bad for me as they were, they sure as hell haven’t been great.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“I’d rather drink. Talking isn’t going to change anything, and medical can’t take the blood out without killing me. So,” she raised her bottle and took a long swallow, “to … ah who the hell cares.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Shara threw more back and it felt just a tad more comforting than she wanted to admit. “No one said anything about changing the situation. Doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings about it. You are allowed to, you know.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“Oh I have feelings,” Bethany took another sip from the bottle. She wasn’t really a heavy drinker at all. This mission she’d done more of that than her whole life. She was sickened by it, but she needed something to dull her head for awhile. “I don’t really want to talk about them though. So what’s up with you? You called your girls yet?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“Not yet,” Shara said softly. “Soon…” She was putting it off for a couple different reasons, but her persona issue being one of them. “Micah and I are going to Earth to spend time at our place in Tennessee. We have it on good authority that if we ask my daughter Faye and her husband to join Nadine and come stay with us, they’ll be given leave to do so. Special circumstances and all.” She sipped more on the liquor and tipped her head back, feeling an exhaustion that was hard to describe. They had all made it through this gods-be-damned-mission, but not a one of them could pretend there was a cost. For some like her and Gadi, it had been costlier than for other.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bethany nodded. “I thought I might go visit my uncles in Appalachia, but I’m not sure. I’ve got a promise to keep first.” The cost was so high, and all she really did want was to go home and let her uncles take care of her for awhile. Before they got to old and she lost them too. “I honestly didn’t think I’d come back from this one. Now I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Shara closed her eyes, her mind drifting to the days immediately after she returned to Federation space after getting Faye out of that facility. It had been so painful to finally be so close to a possible reunion with her daughter only to know that if she did so then it would get terribly, because she wasn’t ready for one. Faye deserved better than to see her mother after all those years apart only to find her a broken mess.

When she opened her eyes again, Shara’s eyes glistened. “Oh Bethy, I know that place, and there is no one answer. But I do know that if you let others in, you’re not alone. And that’s how you make it through.” It was her way of saying she was there for her. She would help Bethy through.

Bethany hated the music. It would drive her more insane than anything else. She could hear the lingering sorrow in Shara’s voice and the care too in offering to help. Bethany had no idea if El-Aurian empathy could be tricked like Betazoid empathy could. She didn’t even want any of it. That was a problem for another day. Bethany took a swig off the bottle again. “It’s not always that simple, and you know it. I appreciate the offer though. I truly truly do.”

“It’s a sincere one. And I never said it was simple,” Shara said.

“What’s the promise you have to keep?”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“I have to make a trip to Betazed. Dr. Izei hasn’t been home in a very long time, but he’s hesitant. I figured if I go with him, they will all stare at me, the freak, and not notice everything he’s gone through.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Calloway nodded. She had zero context when it came to whatever had bene happening with Dr. Izei, and understood also it wasn’t her place to pry. People didn’t exactly line up to share things with her around here. And that was fine by her.

She drank more from the glass, draining it and holding it out. There was more if they needed it, but something told her that one of them needed to be somewhat in control here. “Do you really see yourself as a freak? That others will too? Outside of this ship and a select few people, no one will know how you came to be as you are. unless you show them that.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bethany reached over and filled her glass, giving her a curious look that suddenly cleared. “Oh,” she chuckled, “No not that. Before the blood transfusion. I’m disabled, a freak, malformed, abnormal, as far as Betazoid standards go. I’m half and have no telepathy and no empathy. They’d be so busy piting me, they wouldn’t notice him. Betazoids can forgive most things, accept most others, except when they see a flaw in their own genetic design.” She chugged several gulps of the whiskey.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS