Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in If Desperate Wishes Were Horses

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in If Desperate Wishes Were Horses

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in If Desperate Wishes Were Horses
Posted by… suppressed (48) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Aasrel smiled. Telepathic hide and seek. I hide, you find me by focusing on my thoughts, feelings, and presence. There are ways to make it harder buuut I’ll go easy on you. He said playfully and grinned again.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany’s brows went up and the grin got bigger. I get to track you through the ship? She laughed out loud which drew attention and she winced. You do know Lachlan taught me how to track when I was 10 right? Well get going then. She winked at him and shooed him out of the mess.

Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi
Chief of Security

Aasrel stood but gave her a look. Nope, no tracking. Not physically, anyway. Thoughts only! He grinned, and no cheating. I’ll know. Then he disappeared into the ship.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany grinned, No cheating, I can’t walk around the ship with my eyes closed, and watched him leave. A few people came over to talk to her. Only years of discipline kept her appearing relaxed. The additional insight into what they were thinking and feeling was enough to deal with. Bethany was adept at reading people so it wasn’t too much more than she could surmise, but the music made her want to tear her ears off.

After a few minutes, Bethany got up and left the mess. She walked, trying to listen for his thoughts, but all she was getting was the people directly within a few feet of her. She didn’t know how to stretch that sense past what her physical senses could perceive or how to sift through the extra.

Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi
Chief of Security

Bethany… Aasrel’s voice said in her head, almost sing-song like. Focus on me. You know what my presence feels like. Sift through until you find it.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

It was like a breeze off the peaks after a humid day. She could breathe and feel sunshine when his voice touched her. Was that his presence? Is that what everyone felt? That made her illogically jealous. Then the feeling was gone. She scrambled to hold into it, but it slipped away. She could do this. She would learn, there was no choice. She strained to hear him, but she could only determine he wasn’t near her. She kept walking until she was certain her wasn’t on the same deck. She stood outside a lift trying to feel which direction, up or down, he might be. She stood there until she garnered stares. She got on the lift and went down a deck.

Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi
Chief of Security

Is that where you think I went? Aasrel’s voice reached her once more, accompanied by amusement. He was intentionally pushing it toward her, giving her something to latch onto.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Fresh air and sunshine again. I don’t know where you went. I can’t use normal ways of tracking. You said it’s cheating. Her voice sounded dim, like she couldn’t quite reach him. Are you further away? She thought it would be like hearing. Knowing a sound came from behind or beside you. This felt more expansive than that. It seemed harder to talk to him, though he was no less clear…was he further away or more people between them? It was like one of her uncles old walkies. The signal was there but there was just too much interference from the mountains.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

I am. Aasrel’s voice said in her head. And it is. It was obvious he was confident in her. Keep trying. You’ll get there.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Okay so he was above her? She could almost tell. It was… It’s like a tugging, but I can’t tell which direction it comes from. Instead of aimlessly shooting back through the decks, she walked the one she was on. Trying to feel where he was. Where he might feel closer, then she would know what section of the other decks to search. She had no idea if it worked that way. It’s not like other senses is it? Limited by the physical limitations of distance and barriers?

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

No, otherwise conversing over great distances wouldn’t work. Aasrel replied. but, especially in close proximity like this, you should be able to tell where I am. It takes practice.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

How can you feel someone so far away? It seemed daunting. I can tell this is all you. I can’t feel anything past the people around me. Well that wasn’t true. She could hear all those other minds on the ship too. His voice in her head made them further away. It would be overwhelming again without it.

She walked purposely, quartering the deck in a search pattern. Bethany turned suddenly, but kept walking and then stopped. Something felt different. It was almost like hair raising on the back of her neck, but it was a pleasant sensation. She stood still, curiously staring up at the ceiling. Was that Aasrel or was she ‘overhearing’ what she shouldn’t?

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Good, Aasrel’s voice came to her. Focus on that. Keep working. He said.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany nodded, not that he could see her. Then suddenly she grinned. His amusement was hers. You’re enjoying this! The feeling stayed and she tried to concentrate on it. It was above her, she was certain, but not sure why. She couldn’t tell how far. She took the lift back up a deck, deck 5 on the opposite side of the galley. She moved toward the section she had been beneath and tried to see if she could feel the sensation again.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

I am, Aasrel said, grinning to himself, though likewise she could not see it. Think of a game you played as a kid. Doesn’t it bring back good memories? He paused and then his voice came again, with that sing-song like quality, Getting warmer, love.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

He could feel her smile as he teased her. It made her think though… When was the last time she played a game as a child? It must have been before the occupation. The occupation had made Bethany a very shy and timid child once they’d moved to Earth. She had been very slow to make friends, especially with her mother having been so sick. Then suddenly there was a memory. The same two girls that had taught her to play the card game, but there were other children, several. They were playing some kind of game with a ball. They felt familiar, but she didn’t know why. She couldn’t recall who they were. The memory brought waves of happiness and delight. The loss of it brought acute grief.

With the memory she lost her focus. Bethany moved into an alcove, leaned back against the wall, and closed her eyes. She searched for that feeling of sunshine and fresh air, that sixth sense that said someone was watching her. She searched almost desperately, eager to find it again before all the other noise drowned her. She missed it in her haste. Rel? Her thoughts didn’t go far, Bethany didn’t know how, yet, to make her thoughts heard without him connecting with her first.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Happiness and delight, then intense grief and loss. Aasrel felt her panic as she searched unsuccessfully for him. Bethany? It’s okay, I’m still here. He said, reaching out to connect with her. He reached out with a sense of reassuring calm. You’re panicking. What’s wrong?

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany took several slow breaths, and with each calm returned. I… I’m not sure. A memory. I was playing a game with other kids, but I don’t know who they are. Then… I don’t know, I was terrified to be alone.

In the panic, once he had connected with her, Bethany had … latched on like a life line. She wasn’t even aware of it, except she could feel him more clearly. He was closer, she could feel it like a brush on her left shoulder, and she turned that way and started walking.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Do you need me to come to you? He asked. His worry for her was clear to her. She was strongly connected to him now, he could tell. She was headed the right way. You’re almost here.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Did she want him? Yes. Did he need to come to her? I need you, but I don’t want to stop playing. I want to do this. They both also knew she needed to do it more than anything else. She was never going to learn control if the slightest obstacle made her stop. Besides, you are with me. It’s weird, but I think I might be addicted.

Okay. Aasrel agreed. There was amusement mixed with affection. It is different than without empathy, isn’t it?

It’s very different, there was a pause as she focused on the sounds and feelings in her head. I’m glad I was able to give this back to you.

There was a sharp feeling of joy and gratitude. Thank you.

She followed that slight tug until suddenly it seemed to be everywhere. She turned a circle in the corridor trying to decide which way to go. The corridor split in a handful of directions here, and there was one door to a small access room. She gave it a hard glare and walked over and keyed it to open.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

As the door opened, Aasrel grinned widely. He was leaning against the wall of the small room. He did nothing, just stood, waiting for her. As she entered, he smiled and hugged her. You found me.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany walked over to him and melted into his hug. It only took an hour, but I did. She lifted her head to look at him, Do you know what could happen in an hour? She shook her head, I’ll always find you. That’s too long though. Let’s do it again.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Aasrel hugged her tightly. Okay, again. He said. Stay here and think about whatever you choose so long as it’s not me. Think of it like hiding your face in human hide and seek. He held onto her a moment longer, then let go. And I’ll go find a new place to hide.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

There was teasing laughter, But you’re my favorite thing to think about. Bethany leaned back against the bulkhead and closed her eyes. She turned her mind to the problem of her mysterious benefactor and what she could do to find him. She had a feeling he was no longer on the ship, but she didn’t have time to search The Cloud.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Aasrel wandered through the ship’s corridors, looking for somewhere to ‘hide’. He passed several area, he didn’t want it to be too busy. As he passed the galley, someone rushed past colliding with him. His implant caught the other officer and tugged. Aasrel straightened his shirt and pulled his sleeves towards his hands.

Then the officer gave him that look he hated so much: apologetic, twinged with pity. His empathy back on, he could feel it there, the officer hoped he hadn’t hurt Aasrel, he felt sorry for him. He meant well. “Sorry, lieutenant! Are you okay?” Asked the officer politely.

“I’m fine.” Aasrel snapped and moved on, marching down the hall. He tried to put it out of his mind. Bethany was struggling so much, she didn’t need to feel his own issues. He took a deep breath, trying to still the small trembles of his body. Then he picked a point two decks below where they had been, just inside one of the access points to the Jeffries tubes. He took another breath before contacting Bethany. I’m ready. Come find me.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany felt it, the defense, the self-repulsion, the stomach churning terror of memories that weren’t old enough yet. She wasn’t meaning to listen, she just hadn’t let go of her connection to him. She wasn’t even aware of it, but she felt it all the same. She didn’t just feel it either, she could hear the thoughts that went along with it. Then they were gone. Aasrel had buried them. Reading thoughts was too new for Bethany to know if she should comment or not. She was already moving to find him before he ever said he was ready. She noticed it now though, that self-loathing that was hidden beneath the feel of fresh air and sunshine.

This time, instead of heading off in a random direction, Bethany moved slowly waiting for that telltale brush against her shoulder. In that memory… we were playing a game with a ball that flashed different colors. Is that a Betazoid game?

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

There was little coming from Aasrel, he was still silencing his own thoughts, burying the feelings that went with them. He kept them to himself, not allowing it to pass to Bethany as much as possible. A moment passed after her question, then his voice came, soft and easy, Yes. A children’s playground game.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany stopped, he was suddenly very hard to sense. When he spoke to her again, she followed the slight tug and then it was gone again. Bethany didn’t think he was doing it on purpose. At least she could tell it was him and not her own lack of skill. That prevented her from getting frustrated. So she needed to keep him talking. I don’t really have any idea of what we were doing. It was just a flash. Will you tell me about it?

Lt Cmdr Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Many games can be played with it. Aasrel told her. In one, you have to hit it a different way depending on which color is lit up. In another, you pass it back and forth and the color determines the emotion you send with it. Older kids play that one. He sat on the floor of the Jeffries tube he was in, pulling his knees up towards himself. My sister liked it when she was younger.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

That time Bethany made it a bit further, she was certain he was there, but there were just tube access hatches. She checked and didn’t find him. Then when he mentioned his sister it felt a bit clearer. Bethany grinned and started climbing down the ladder. You spent a lot of time with your sister. You talk about her a lot. What was your brother like?

Lt Cmdr Gadi, COS

He was older, but he liked playing with us. He taught us a lot. Aasrel said. He hugged himself tighter. Masas couldn’t see him like this. Then he pushed the thoughts away. He couldn’t add to the negativity Bethany was having to put up with. He’s brooding, sometimes. He found himself physically shrugging. It’s hard to describe him, I guess.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

She couldn’t feel it, but Bethany knew talking about his siblings was upsetting him. It was the way he phrased things, the pauses in the conversation. Will you teach me to play? Or is that a game for a lot of people? She paused the next deck down and sat, closing her eyes and waited for his response before deciding which way to go next.

Lt Cmdr Gadi, COS

I can teach you. It doesn’t work as well with two people, but it’ll work. We’d need the ball though. He paused for a moment, You’re close, aren’t you?

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

We can replicate one if you want. I’m sure we can find a way to adapt it for two players. There was a pause, Am I?

A moment later there was a whistle from behind him.

Lt Cmdr Gadi, COS

Aasrel turned his head to look at her, still sitting on the floor. He stood and hugged her again. Found me. Want to go again?

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany hugged him and sighed. No, my head is really starting to hurt. More than it did earlier. I found you faster this time. Should we do this every day?

Cmdr Gadi, COS

Aasrel smiled. If you’d like. I’m happy to. He looked at her and then hugged her again. What else would you like to do then?

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Coffee, quiet, and a warm blanket. She rested her head on his shoulder. I didn’t mean to take you away from work. I don’t think I can do anymore today.

Cmdr Gadi, COS

It’s not a problem, Aasrel replied. He rested against her. I don’t feel like getting anything done anyway.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany hugged him a moment longer and then looked at him. Something was wrong. It was on his face even if he was keeping everything else hidden. Want to show me the sequel to your favorite movie?

Gadi, COS

Aasrel smiled. He was trying to hide it on his face too, but he wasn’t very good at that. Not with Bethany. Of course, he said as he headed out of the tubes they were standing in. That sounds like fun.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany walked so she could hold his other hand. She laced her fingers with his. She knew talking about his family upset him. I’m sorry if my questions upset you.

Gadi, COS

They didn’t. Don’t be sorry. Aasrel tried harder to push his negative emotions away. He squeezed her hand and smile. I like telling you about them. I want you to know what they’re like. It just… Made him sad to talk about them.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

It makes you sad. You miss them. Bethany didn’t really have anyone like that. She had her uncles of course, but that wasn’t like siblings or close cousins. One day this will be over and you’ll get to introduce me. They took the lift back to deck five and his quarters.

Gadi, COS

Aasrel opened the door and let them both in. I do miss them. I hope you’ll get to meet them. At the moment, he was feeling more keenly the sense that he couldn’t let them see him the way he was now. He sat on the bed and picked up his PaDD, getting the movie set up. Get the snacks ready.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany moved toward her coffee pot, that had been brought with her. Even though she wasn’t required to do so, she made decaf. She wanted to be able to sleep. We will. You promised to take me. She set a variety of snacks on a tray and then disappeared into the bath. She returned wearing a warm cotton flannel robe and her hair down. She poured two cups of coffee and brought them over before sitting down.

Bethany

And I will, Aasrel said reassuringly. He cuddled in with her as he pressed play. The movie played. He managed to eat a little bit because he’d asked her to bring them but looking at the food, he didn’t actually feel hungry. He rested his head against her as they watched.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

Bethany wasn’t really hungry either, they hadn’t eaten all that long ago. She mostly sipped her coffee, curled up next to him. She enjoyed the movie. It was different, and it gave her an insight into Betazoid culture that she didn’t have from being away for so long. Her head felt like an overused muscle with a bad sprain. She was mentally exhausted, and it wasn’t long, despite enjoying the movie, that she was asleep against him.

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Once she fell asleep, he settled in and tried to sleep. He couldn’t. His mind kept jumping back to earlier that day. I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t hurt you. the officer had said. Aasrel had felt the pity, the look they gave him. They all looked at him differently. Like he wasn’t Betazoid or humanoid anymore. (they didn’t really, but to him they did).

Why? Why were these stupid things attached to him? Why couldn’t he get his own looks back, his own body? His fingers gripped his implant tightly as he drowned in his own self sorrow and hatred. He wanted them gone, he wanted them off. He couldn’t stand them. He needed them away from him. How could he go home, and let his family see what he was now? See them give him that same look everyone else did… No, he couldn’t. He couldn’t. He just wasn’t himself anymore. The Aasrel they’d known growing up had been lost to the Borg.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

“You’re not lost,” Bethany’s arms tightened around him, hugging him in her sleep. “I found you.”

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Aasrel set one hand gently on her arm, wrapped tightly around him. He hugged her tight and pressed his face into her, crying softly.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

His grief was strong enough that it broke through her sleep. Bethany was instantly awake. She was still as she identified what woke her. Aasrel? She knew it was him. She lifted her head to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security

Aasrel kept his face pressed against her and shook his head. Go back to sleep. He said, using his telepathy to speak to her without his cry-y voice. But his emotions were there for her to sense, strong and all consuming. He couldn’t just put a cork in it at the flip of a switch, not even to save her from feeling what he felt. Not that he wasn’t trying.

Lt., j.g. Aasrel Izei
Chief Medical Officer

There were fluctuations, making her feel like she wasn’t really connecting correctly. But Bethany trusted herbfut and she could read people. “Hey, talk to me. We promised to be open and honest with each other. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Lt. Cmdr. Bethany Kovra Gadi, Chief of Security