Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in If Desperate Wishes Were Horses

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in If Desperate Wishes Were Horses

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in If Desperate Wishes Were Horses
Posted by… suppressed (31) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Bethany had been combing the ship, deck by deck, alcove by alcove, looking for traces of her mysterious benefactor. Bethany was thorough and complete, but she was finding no trace of the person. It was frustrating, but she was meticulous and stubborn. She would find the evidence.

Well she would find it if she didn’t go crazy first. She thought she was losing her mind. People talked and jabbered all day long and there was…music. Bethany liked music, but this was awful. It was discordant and didn’t harmonize or go together, and she couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. By the end of the second day, Bethany couldn’t stand it anymore. She left her office and locked herself in her quarters. Her head throbbed and her stomach churned. She ate, but dizziness, vertigo, and a throbbing head convinced her stomach to expel the contents. She was going insane.

Bethany

Aasrel had been checking in on her throughout the day, telepathically. He knew right away something was wrong. Shortly after she went to her quarters his voice was in her head, Bethany? Are you okay? I’m coming to find you.

~ Aasrel

Bethany looked up, but he wasn’t in her quarters and there was no trilling indicating he spoke over the comms. He was in her head. Or maybe he wasn’t? Maybe she just wished he was because it had helped the other day. People were talking just out of range, or too loud and she’d go to see and were gone before she got around the corner. People were sneaking around, the absurdity of the mission was getting to them, they were playing tricks on her. They had to be trying to see how paranoid she really was. It was working. They should count themselves lucky she didn’t walk around with a weapon usually.

She was NOT okay. She didn’t bother to tell him that though. Why should she? She was imagining him talking to her. Music…well at least in here the music had stopped. It was horrible. She never wanted to hear another note again.

Bethany

Aasrel, as promised, was coming to look for her. He checked her office, and then her quarters. He knocked on the door and spoke through the door, “Bethany? Are you in there? Are you okay?”

~ Aasrel

She was in there. She looked up at the knock and stared at the door. Was someone really there or was she imagining it again. She heard his voice and there was music too. Strained and hesitant.
She groaned and hesitated before getting up. She reached over and unlocked the door. “Come in?” She wasn’t sure anyone was out there, but at least she wouldn’t be standing at the door for everyone to see.

Bethany

He let the door open and then walked in and hugged her. He felt her uncertainty and fear and her mind’s disorganisation. Bethany. What happened? What’s wrong?

~ Aasrel

The door locked and secured as soon as it closed. She was vibrating from the strain, and the pain was obvious. She was perched on the couch, on edge (literally and figuratively). He hugged her, and his voice cut like diamonds through the layers of confusion and turmoil. She began to sob. They were everywhere and no where. Constant voices but she could never find them. Playing tricks on her and the endless music. It was SO loud.

Bethany

Why didn’t you tell me when you were struggling? Aasrel hugged her tightly, rocking her against him. I can help you. He sounded a little hurt. If she could hear his thoughts, she’d hear his wonder if she trusted him. He looked down at her, frowning slightly. Keep focusing on me, okay? Like we practiced.

~ Aasrel

She could hear his thoughts. It wasn’t a matter of trust. Bethany was paranoid. The constant pings on her senses, the revelations about her genetics, the mysterious benefactor, the search to find him, his threats to Aasrel. Bethany had wanted Aasrel. She trusted him more than she did anyone else in her life, but she was afraid for him. Mixed with the paranoia and it bordered on terror. She’d rather be alone than risk him.

All that mixed with the constant bombardment of edginess and worry and frustration of the crew and she didn’t know up from sideways. Aasrel was a strong enough telepath to make sense of it all.

Her hands bunched in his shirt as he rocked her. She pressed tight against as if she could crawl inside and hide. He created a sense of safety for her. Please help me. She sobbed harder. Make it stop.

Bethany

Aasrel held her tightly. I can’t make it stop. I’m sorry. He looked at her with a look of worry and concern. Try to focus on me. Like we practiced. It’s the only way.

~ Aasrel

She stayed, curled up against him and closed her eyes. She concentrated on the feel of his arms, and the leather of his gloves, the sound of his heart beating under her ear, the smell of his soap, remembered the taste of coffee on his lips that morning. And she listened to his voice in her head. She tried to hear his thoughts and ignore the rest.

She couldn’t do this all the time. She couldn’t drag him around the ship with her, or follow him around sickbay and just curl up in his lap when she couldn’t ignore it anymore. It shouldn’t be so hard…

Bethany

It will get easier, Aasrel assured her, smiling down at her. I promise, it will. We all go through this. We are just younger when we do. He kept hugging her tightly to him, gently rubbing her back. Eventually he paused for long enough to slip off the gloves, and then went back to rubbing her back, his head resting against her.

~ Aasrel

His voice was clear among all the other thoughts, his certainty settled the jumble of other emotions. It was so easy to focus when he was right there with her. She curled in closer when he took his gloves off. Thank you. she knew how much he hated the implants and seeing them. The rhythmic motion on her back helped her relax. I’m no good like this, Rel. I’m a liability. All the voices make me feel paranoid.

Bethany

He hated them, and seeing them made him hate himself with an intense, burning hatred, but he knew she preferred to feel his bare hands. It made her happy. And that was what she needed right now. Anything for you, love.

He could feel the giddiness that went with the blush that one little four-letter word caused.

Aasrel smiled and in response to her giddy blush was a smile and joy.

Aasrel focused on calmness, serene calmness. His mental voice was relaxing and smooth. It won’t stay this way, I promise. You’ll be okay. We can practice more often if you’d like. It might help you control it faster.

~ Aasrel

Bethany wasn’t afraid of hard work, of study, or failing repeatedly until she got it right. “It…” she stopped. She needed more practice. That meant telepathy instead of speaking. It was still jumbled, like a young child. … easy with you. Can’t… alone.

Bethany

Then you will practice alone, when I am available to come to you. Aasrel smiled at her. But first, I need to teach you to center yourself without me there to help you.

~ Aasrel

Used to … Vulcan meditate. …couldn’t … got sick. Bethany reached up and rubbed her temples and then the back of her neck. Head hurts. She didn’t say it and she didn’t fully form the thought, but there was real trepidation that she might not figure it out. That she might not be able to master the discipline needed. She wasn’t sure she would ever get used to hearing people’s thoughts and emotions either. It was different with Aasrel. It was intimate and comforting, but it felt wrong otherwise. She trusted him to teach her, to show her how to do it, she just wasn’t sure she was going to be able to master it.

Bethany

That can help. You should be able to do it again, now that you are well, said Aasrel calmly. He set his hands gently against her head and began to massage her temples. Do you want to take a break? He asked.

~ Aasrel

Bethany would try, later, to go through her meditation routine. It had always helped keep her centered, but she’d never had to contend with other people’s thoughts in her head, or their emotions making her feel insane. The touch on her temples hurt at first, but then gave way to relief. She turned to rest her forehead on his shoulder to make it easier for him. She wanted a break, but ‘talking’ with him helped. No, you help. She sighed, I’ll have to do this on Betazed won’t I? Everyone will expect me to be able?

Bethany

They will expect it, Aasrel said honestly. But you do whatever you feel like doing. He looked down at her and shrugged. They aren’t like your father, I promise. It won’t be that bad.

~ Aasrel

Bethany nodded, but didn’t lift her head. I feel like I’m going crazy. I know it’s the telepathy, but I can’t seem to tell the difference. And I’m hearing music. Everywhere, and it’s awful and strange, sometimes pretty, but it never goes together and I don’t know where it coming from.

Bethany

Music? The word came with a feeling of curiosity and confusion. The confusion died down after a moment though as Aasrel remembered his El-Aurian reading. Do you hear it when people talk to you?

~ Aasrel

I…didn’t notice. I don’t hear it now. Bethany’s duties were busy and never silent. Even if they weren’t talking directly to her there was always conversation going on. She hadn’t really paid attention to what else was going on when she heard it. Just that it was distracting and unusual.

Bethany

“What about now, while I speak aloud?” Aasrel said, looking at her.

~ Aasrel

There was the music again, quick, staccato, bright, sudden, and followed by a not quite heard, drawn out note of waiting. Bethany groaned. Yes. Don’t talk.

Bethany

Aasrel chuckled softly. He was right. “I bet the music is changing now, isn’t it?” He said. He was enjoying this, a little bit. He turned serious, though he was still smiling. Your El-Aurian empathy is working, too. Those audial structures we noticed in your brain… The El-Aurian neurotransmitter must be fueling it. When people talk, they hear music. And the music defines the emotion behind the words. I read about it in my research.

~ Aasrel

It did, it was quick and tripping, light high notes. Bethany groaned again even as she felt his laughter ripple through her and his chest shake under her head. It’s not funny. It’s awful! She didn’t mean to yell. In fact, she wasn’t even aware she had. She was distressed and it was obvious. I have to feel it and hear it? It’s horrible. It’s overwhelming. How was she even El-Aurian to begin with? No one in her family ever said so.

Bethany

Her sudden yelling made him flinch a little but he quickly leaned back into her. I wish I could hear what you do. It sounds interesting. He shrugged, Just like the thoughts, you’ll get used to it being there.

~ Aasrel

Find a way to transplant it and you can have it. I don’t care if it makes me deaf. She might have meant for it to sound joking, but her real feelings went along with the telepathy. She was serious. She didn’t find it interesting at all. It was too much. Bethany hadn’t felt so helpless since…since the last night she saw her father. This wasn’t nearly that bad, but she despised the feeling. I don’t like it. It makes your voice sound different.

Bethany

Aasrel smiled. You like my voice that much, huh? You still get it straight to your head, whenever you like. He hugged her tightly again. I promise. It will get easier.

~ Aasrel

I do like your voice. Bethany breathed deeply. It’s like my hearing is super acute now. Like I hear more clearly, more crisp, more range and then there is this gods-awful music over it all. So it’s just a horrible racket I can’t make sense of.

Bethany

I wish I knew where we could find an El-Aurian to teach you. Aasrel sighed softly. I wish I could help you more.

~ Aasrel

Bethany shook her head. When this mission is over we can try to find one. I’ll ask my uncles too. Maybe they know something? She rubbed her face against his shoulder again, cuddling against him. You are helping. It’s only been a couple of days. Her arms reached around him and hugged him. The last week’s had been horrible, except for him, and her body should be coming down from the stress, but the blows kept coming. I wish I could just stay near you all day.

Bethany

Me too. Aasrel pressed against her. This mission was terrifying to him, he’d never done work anything like this before. But he refused to let it affect him. Either he made it home, or he didn’t. At least he either lived, or died, with Bethany. I’ll keep working with you as much as you need.

~ Aasrel

I know you will. She looked up at him. You’ll be sick of me.

Bethany wasn’t one to put things off though. Neither of them had eaten, and so, on her insistence (though Aasrel would have brought her food) they went and ate in the Galley. There was no way to learn how to cope or get used to it if she hid away. The mess was always filled with chatter, but the music was driving her nuts, it was distracting and made it hard to ignore other people’s conversations.

Bethany