Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Talking With the Intel Chief

Posted by Captain Sara Kiernan (Commanding Officer) in Talking With the Intel Chief

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Talking With the Intel Chief
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Glass empty before her, Shara wished it contained some of Micah’s ‘shine and she could just knock it all back and bypass everything right now. Though it was a brief moment, it spurred the older woman to rise from her seat and move away towards the window. She gazed out into the nebula that encompassed them, and also wished they were on the move in the stars where everything felt more comfortable for her.

Shara turned on her side to lean her shoulder against the edge of the window and gazed back at Sara, distress painted over her features. “What I’m about to say doesn’t leave this room, and though there are some on the ship that already know some of this, Micah and Blue are the only ones that know the whole of it.”

She gathered herself for a moment- steeled herself, really- holding the terrible sensations swirling in her gut and locking them underneath a barrier that would hopefully last long enough for her to spit this out. Sara needed to understand and there was no way to do so without disclosure.

“Three times I’ve been undercover in Romulan space. That last time was a very long term assignment and I was there posing as a medic… with the Tal Shiar. Despite the chaos their people have been in since Romulus was destroyed, the Tal Shiar seemed to operate as not much had changed. In any case, I was working at a facility where they did a bunch of experimental work. I was keeping tabs on anything that would be considered dangerous to the Federation after our relationship with the Romulans fell apart. One day, they brought in a prisoner: a foreign asset that had been arrested. I don’t think I need to explain what the Tal Shiar do to spies they capture, and while it was clear they had interrogated the woman while in prison, before and after her supposed trial, they hadn’t executed her the way they would have normally. Because this Human woman was no ordinary Federation Intelligence officer. What I gleaned over time was that they figured out who she was and understood that she was of use to them, her extraordinary and brilliant mind was of use to them. And so through a long series of terrible experimentation, they sought to break her and slowly gain control of her mind for their own purposes. What those were, we never learned.”

Calloway moved back to the desk, grabbed the chair and set it next to Sara, sitting to face her captain. Anguish filled Shara’s stone-washed blue eyes. “That woman, that prisoner… was my daughter Faye.” Shara forced herself to take a breath. “Every day I was there monitoring her vitals as they inflicted terrible pain on her. Not enough to kill her, but enough to make her wish she was. And most of the time they kept her in a drugged state. And there was sh!t-all I could do about it Sara. I was undercover too deep and one tiny wrong move would get us both killed. So I bided my time, gathered my resources and made a plan to get her out. Very long story short, I did, but Faye was in their hands for nine months and I witnessed all of it. I did my best to secretly sedate her when I could, to give her a reprieve, or inject her with extra nutrients because she couldn’t eat and was getting very malnourished. And when the opportunity finally came about with help, I carried my daughter’s limp body to her shuttle they kept for reasons I can only speculate on, injected her with stimulants to wake her up and shake off the other drugs, and set an automated course back to the Federation. Then I got the hell out of there and hid for awhile till it was safe to also try to make my own way back to Federation space. We both made it, but it was clear in the weeks after I put her on the shuttle that I was not okay. I did a helluva lot of therapy and recovery work to get me functional again, but when I’m stressed and worried about those I care about, my PTSD flares.

“It wasn’t until a subsequent investigation brought me to the Manhattan that Faye and I were reunited after 25 yeas apart. She didn’t even know I was alive and didn’t know I was the one who got her to safety from the Romulans until I told her.” Tears slipped over her face. “We worked together to uncover the work of this Shadow Syndicate and clear Faye’s name, but the reality is that because of what happened at that facility, Starfleet still is wary of her. They can’t be sure she can be trusted, even if Faye is entirely innocent.” Shara leaned in, desperation radiating off of her and she was almost shaking. “Faye is doing Command training. She wants to be a starship captain and Sara… she will be extraordinary. But I know, even if she does not yet, that Starfleet will never put her in the centre seat as a Commanding Officer unless they are certain she’s clean. This whole mess you and I and this crew are trying to set right will give officers like Faye a chance, because the manipulations of the Syndicate won’t being hanging over them anymore. Faye was used and abused in so many ways over the years and it was never her fault. But she is being quietly punished as if it was. And I will do anything to make sure she gets her chance for success and happiness. She’s earned that a million times over and the Federation owes her more than they realize.

Shara choked back a sob, something normally she’d never allow herself to show to anyone but Micah. “I am losing a battle with my own mind right now. I am caught in an impossible situation and I’m not sleeping. The flashbacks are back with a vengeance and I know one small mistake could get myself or others killed. I don’t have a choice but to push through. My sense of duty won’t allow for anything else, but even though I’ve confessed to Micah how much I’m struggling, I can’t share the whole of it with anyone and it’s killing me, bit by little bit.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Sara nodded and took it all in. “The things Intel asks people to do… They knew you were here, what the risk to you was and that I didn’t know any better than when they said jump just to ask how high. And out of all the ironies in the universe; that’s why I want you to be my Intel officer. I don’t trust the division. I trust you. I can’t make anything you’ve gone through okay or even better. But I can say that you are one of the strongest women- hell, strongest people I’ve ever met. But if you need anything to help, even if that takes the shape of your job for the mission changing, just ask.”

-CO

Shara inhaled, her lungs pressing against her ribs as she steadied herself. “I’m trying to figure out what is reasonable under the circumstances and what I will just have to suck up and push through until we’re through this mission.” She studied the captain for a moment. “I’ve never been good at sharing about myself, at letting people in. These last couple years have placed me in a position where I want to. Ever since I returned from that last op, I’ve been trying bit by bit to be here, be a person that exists in people’s minds and memories. I tired of being a ghost. And so I have not one, but two daughters in my life, and I remarried after thinking I would never do so after the Dominion killed Ed.” She shook her head. “Micah told me I’d earned my peace, and I believe that. Reality isn’t making it so easy. So I guess if I need anything right now, it’s to exist here on this ship for people, even though I’m once again getting lost in being someone else. You’re right that I can’t manufacture friendships, but it’s been decades since I had any. I might need some gentle guidance,” she said, breaking into a tiny smirk. It wasn’t lost on her that at sixty-five she needed lessons in friendship, but it was where she was at and at least she was being honest with Sara, and herself.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“Well you’ve got one friend.” Sara remarked calmly. “And your friend doubts that you’d be comfortable retired to some bit of soil back home. Would you really be at ease, able to rest? Once this mess is over, standard duty might fit you like a glove. Keep you busy without demanding you become someone else wholly. Let you serve and have a family life. After everything this crew has been through on this mission, I may have enough pull to get Micah assigned here full time.”

-CO

Her smirk grew. “No pull necessary. Micah calls his own shots. He might need to come and go at times, but he’s as good as told me he’s here for good. I trust in that. And I came to the Asimov after have an all out little war with the powers that be to get allowed to have a standard duty assignment. I’m not sure you’d have wanted to have been a fly on the wall for those conversations, but my eldest daughter did. She was shocked. I don’t think she though you could swear at an Admiral and get away with it,” Shara said, breaking into a laugh. No, others couldn’t get away wth swearing at an admiral, but she was not your average officer.

That made Sara laugh hard.

“But we’ll see. I had actually been looking forward to seeing what being on a ship full-time again would be like. After this mission I’m calling for a re-do and I’ll give it an honest chance. I can’t promise more than that. But uh, Micah and I were talking about some R&R after the mission, if that’s okay with you. We need some time at our cabin in Tennessee, and we were hoping to see our kids.” Our kids. It was so strange and yet it felt so damned right.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“Done.” The Captain replied with a nod. “I think the whole crew gets leave while they’re conducting whatever repairs are necessary when all this is over. The whole crew gets a damn break because god knows they’ve earned it.”

-CO

Shara nodded. “Yes, we all have. The captain too.” She studied Sara for a minute. “Where would you go for R&R when this is all over?” It was phrased as both not a guarantee but also laced with hope for them all. Hope was that strange beast that could do you in, but it could also save you. Right now they could use the kind of hope that rescued you from the depths.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“You mean after sleeping for a day or two?” Sara joked. “I think I’ll go see my family. Try to rebuild whatever we have left after they’ve been told over and over again I’m a traitor to the Federation. Maybe take a trip where no one knows my name. Any suggestions?” Sara reclined in her seat and held her glass close.

-CO