Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in Ticking Clocks (TAG Izei)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in Ticking Clocks (TAG Izei)

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in Ticking Clocks (TAG Izei)
Posted by… suppressed (33) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Bethy wasn’t on duty, but with a chunk of her security team away posing as guests on the luxury yacht she did extra walks of the ship, just to make sure everyone was alright, and to learn the new layout of the ship. At least that was what she told herself. She wasn’t sleeping again. Though she didn’t know if it was her illness or worry. She paused at a view port to look out at the stars and sighed.

Gadi, COS

Aasrel was walking the decks. He wasn’t sleeping either and he needed to walk. It wasn’t too late yet, but late enough he should be in bed. Heading around a corner, he spotted Bethany and paused, considering going the other direction. Instead, he decided to stop at the next view port down from where she stood and look out at the stars himself.

~ Izei, CMO

As he passed Bethany looked over. “Doctor,” she said by way of greeting. She hadn’t seen him since her visit to sickbay. She didn’t know if that was because he stayed in sickbay and so she wouldn’t run into him, or if he was disgusted by her disability and so avoided her.

Gadi, COS

Aasrel wasn’t avoiding her specifically, he avoided everyone. He’d stayed in sickbay, mostly. He couldn’t care less about her disability. Even if he hadn’t lost his own abilities, she couldn’t help what she was born without. He remembered she had no interest in having her empathy. He hadn’t learned to read emotions without empathy. The art of ‘body language’ was a mystery to him. “Lieutenant Gadi. I hope you’re feeling alright.” He said politely, without turning away from the viewport.

~ Izei, CMO

Years ago, Bethany had researched and tried all kinds of things to try and trigger her empathy. As a young teen she had desperately wanted to make her father proud rather than ashamed. It only took a couple of years for that drive to turn to resentment, and then finally, after meeting T’Jal she had learned to accept herself as she was. She still struggled with it though. She offered Izei a polite smile and a shrug, “I suppose. I am no better, but no worse, I guess. How are you?”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel could not accept his new disability. In fact, he hated it. He was obsessed with finding a way to fix it. And if he couldn’t… Well, an airlock looked mighty tempting some days. He took a deep breath and shrugged. “I’m fine.” That wasn’t really true, but he had served in Starfleet long enough he’d grown used to the idea most of his crew mates couldn’t tell when he wasn’t being truthful about how he felt, unless he gave it away with body language

~ Aasrel

Bethany nodded. “Like most of us then.” Everyone was ‘fine.’ They had to be even if they really weren’t. She stared out the window, searching the stars. “It’s said that everyone looks for home among the stars. Is Betazed home for you, doctor, or somewhere else?”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel stiffened. It had once been. He loved Betazed. He’d come to the stars to help people. Now… He couldn’t go back there. Not like this. Not when he couldn’t communicate the way he and most betazoids preferred to. When he couldn’t sense them around him. It was like being deaf in a way someone who’d never had that sense couldn’t understand. “It used to be.” He said at last, voice tense and sad. He focused hard out the window for a few moments, and then in the interest of appearing even slightly friendlier than he had so far, asked, “What about you? Were you born there, or somewhere else?”

~ Izei, CMO

“I was, near Lake El’nar. We lived there until right after the Dominion occupation was over.” She grew quiet for a moment. She had been too young to assist in the planet wide counter offensive, but she clearly remembered the horror and fear. “After that, my mother begged my father to take her home to Earth. She was afraid, staying on Betazed, so close to the boarder of Federation space, something would happen, again. She was inconsolable, do he took us. It was always supposed to be temporary…” She stared hard at her reflection, but couldn’t quite keep the edge out of her voice, “things changed.”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel was too young to remember much besides the fear. Even after the occupation though, Betazed was his home. He had been to Earth, of course, for Academy, but he couldn’t imagine staying there. That was partly why he stayed in Starfleet. There was nowhere else for him to go.

At the hardness in her voice, Aasrel looked over at her. He was used to not only hearing, but feeling those emotions, and it made him miss his abilities that he couldn’t. “What happened?” His voice held a tone of compassion no one had heard from him in months.

~ Izei

“During the occupation, we hid with a few other families in the Janaran Jungle. My mother was exposed to…something. Bacteria, fungus, insect bite,” she shrugged. “We were all sick at some point. She seemed to get better, but after we got to Earth, she got sick again, but worse. She never got better. My father was going to take us back, but then I hit adolescence and no telepathy, not even late. He was too embarrassed to take me back with my disability. I even begged him, twice, hoping the doctors on Betazed could ‘fix’ me. So he wouldn’t have to be ashamed anymore.”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel nodded. “There were a few illnesses that are known to have long term effects.” He looked at her, “It must have been terrible, being treated that way by your father. You are only half Betazoid, and anyway, even full Betazoids have a chance to be born with that disability.” He’d rather never have it than have had it and lose it. The thought bothered him and it showed on his face. He wasn’t good at hiding emotions. “But you don’t want it now? Even if, somehow, fixing your condition did also fix your empathy?”

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany sighed. “I suppose it seems strange that I don’t when it should be normal for me to have it. I came to terms a long time ago with the fact I am disabled, but I never…really got over my father’s rejection. My uncles say it is because he loved my mother so much, that me being more human than Betazoid and looking just like her was too hard for him. A very petty part of me, doesn’t want any part of him now. Dr. Riley was going to permanently change my eye color for me.” She rolled her shoulders and then turned to look at him. “Besides, I am too old now. I am not sure I would be able to learn the control needed to filter the input. But I suppose if the only way to cure me is to have it work, then I will have to try and adjust.”

Gadu, CoS

“I’m not sure yet.” Aasrel replied, turning back toward the window. “But I do believe the cure will either make it work permanently, or make it never work. I have a theory… But I need more information.”

“Well, I am here to be your lab rat, Doctor. Even if it doesn’t help me, perhaps it will contribute later on to helping others with such a disability.” Her lack of telepathy should be able to do something good.

Aasrel chuckled softly. That, unbeknownst to her, was him. Either his research of her would help him, or his research for himself would help her. “My focus should be to get you better.”

He looked at her, meeting her gaze for perhaps the first time when she looked at him. “If that is the way it goes, and your abilities do start working, then I would be more than happy to help teach you. I… I was always proud of my… abilities.” He tried to keep his voice steady. It wasn’t working that well.

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany held his gaze, despite his implants, despite the one with the slight mechanical hint to it. Despite the ungloved hand that showed where he had been attached to the Collective. It didn’t bother her in the least bit. If Aasrel thought about it, he would remember she hadn’t flinched at all at the gloved hand or batted an eye over the plate on the right side of his head. He was just a person to her. Thank you, Dr Izei. I am sure I will be in great need of such help.” The truth was, the idea was overwhelming and frightening to her. She did not miss his use of past tense, and she could tell he was upset over something. However he was not a suspect nor an informant, so she would not pry.

She looked out the windows and mused a moment. “May I ask you something personal, Dr?”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel offered a small smile. “Our abilities can be a curse as much as they are a gift. I have treated a few cases of those who develop telepathy from the time they are born or very young. It would be… almost cruel to give you that without offering assistance adjusting to it.”

When she asked her question, he glanced at her and nodded slightly. “What’s the question?”

~ Izei, CMO

“You said you are proud of your abilities. Having never had them, I can only think of negatives of gaining such. I am also aware of the fact that the one thing my father cared about is now also killing me, is severely skewing my point of view.” She glanced back over at him. “I was wondering if you might share with me what you find positive about them.”

Gadi, CoS

“It is the most natural way for us to communicate,” Aasrel began softly. “Of course, we can and do speak, but the vast majority of betazoids prefer not to.” He looked at her again, his face full of sadness. He was trying to hold himself together. “Most half betazoids aren’t fully telepathic. Just empathic. You wouldn’t be able to hear thoughts, save for perhaps someone you were very close with, but you would feel the emotions of those around you.”

He paused for a moment, deciding how best to explain it, remembering she had never experienced it. “Even lacking telepathy our empathy allows us to communicate openly and honestly. We always know how each other feels. It makes it easier to understand each other. Imagine as real as you feel you anger towards your father you were also able to feel my… my sorrow.” He took a moment to breathe and center himself before he went on.

Several more silent moments passed. Finally he gripped his right arm with his left, tightly holding part of the implant. It hurt him, somewhat, to do so, when he gripped it tightly, pulling on it slightly the way he was. Aasrel had noticed how she held his gaze, her eyes not studying him, flicking between his face, and his arm or his leg, or his head. It had made him feel more human, to use the earthen phrase, than he had in months.

“I… I lost my telepathy. My empathy. I can sense no more than you can.” His grip tightened, making him wince slightly. “It’s like… suddenly losing something integral to who I am.” He wanted to cry. But it wasn’t happening. Like he was too shut down for that. “Like an especially isolating sort of deafness. The way I connect with the world is no longer available to me. I feel alone and lost. Connections with other people don’t feel real, in a way.” His voice changed, from hollow and sad to bitter and angry. “I hate it. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life this way. I would do anything to have it back. Even if I have to lose my limbs to do it.”

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany nodded, but she didn’t really understand. None of that sounded like good reasons to want to be ‘normal’. SIt sounded overwhelming, over powering, and a good way for people to manipulate her. Though she knew other Betazoids who used their telepathy for the exact opposite. She understood his loss though, to an extent. “I am sorry. I did not know you had lost yours. I would not have asked such a sensitive question.” She sighed, she was so incredibly weary, and tired. “Maybe helping me will help you. If not, not having it is possible. Perhaps, you would let me help you to adjust if it comes to that. I hope you find an answer for yourself, though.”

Gadi, CoS

For Aasrel it was a no brainer, but he supposed it was difficult to understand without having experienced it. “I don’t talk about it. You couldn’t have known.” He said softly. “My body… it no longer produces psylosynine. There have been no answers as to why.” He shook his head. He wasn’t ready to accept that possibility. “I can’t. It… No. I have to get it back. All I care about is getting my body back to the way it was.”

Bethany nodded silently. She remembered Jake speaking like that about his time after. He just had wanted to be himself again. She couldn’t imagine the struggle Aasrel was going through.

His grip on his arm was white knuckled. “I want these things off. I want them off. I want it all gone. Maybe then my abilities will come back. If they don’t then I’ll look for other answers.”

Instinct compelled her to set a hand over his white knuckled one. “That is a perfectly valid need. Have…well have you considered getting in touch with doctors that worked during the Borg conflicts? I know medicine has come a long way since then, but they might have some insight or ideas.” She wasn’t trying to tell him how to do his job, just give him avenues to explore. She removed her hand, not out of disgust but to not invade his space.

His grip relaxed slightly under her hand. “I have. They’re… Too deeply fused with my bones, my muscles. There’s no doctor willing to attempt it, because either the outcome would be overall poor or it would result in loss of the limb anyway.” He shrugged as she moved her hand away. “If there were someone willing to do it, I would’ve had it done.” He made a face, tensing again. “I hate them. They disgust me. I’d rip them off myself if it were possible.”

Bethany’s brows scrunched together as she tried to remember her basic biology and medical courses. “What about a prosthetic bone or a graft? Sorry, I’m not really familiar with medicine. I’m sure you’ve looked into that. Surely if you are willing to risk it, there is a doctor somewhere willing to try? I hope you find someone who can help you.”

Aasrel smiled, appreciating her effort despite the sadness it also brought him. “Attempt a dangerous surgery with an insanely high chance to leave the limbs with limited function, even grafts and prosthetic bones, if not cause loss of the limb anyway? I wouldn’t agree to that. The other option is a radical amputation with replacement with a full prosthetic limb.”

She gave a slow nod, “I guess I can see both sides of it. I would think that ultimately it would be your choice though.”

Aasrel scoffed. “They just tell me to see psych.”

Bethany rolled her eyes. “Okay so I have been a ship’s counselor. I have my certs in that too. Maybe you do need to see psych, but that doesn’t negate your very real need to have them removed.”

Aasrel grinned. “The day I want to talk about it, I’ll think about seeing psych. Because they’re harmless, it’s seen as not worth the cons to remove them. My wanting them removed anyway is supposedly ‘self destructive’.”

Bethany shook her head. She would not agree with that statement. If perhaps he was trying to remove it himself, despite the risks, then yes. But searching for a safe way to do so was not self-destructive.

Well, he had tried to do that. He’d also insisted they do it despite the risks. There wasn’t a safe way to do it, besides a full amputation and he wasn’t sure he wanted that. Prosthetics weren’t exactly ‘how he was’. He already had to put up with that mechanical eye.

He took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from losing control of himself. “I don’t know if your problem and mine have anything to do with each other. My theory.... is that if I figure out what was done to me, maybe we can do it to you. Make you stop producing psylosynine.”

~ Aasrel

“That makes sense.” She smirked, but it didn’t reach her eyes or look very convincing. Bethany had a very dark sense of humor. “I mean could you just transplant my gland into your brain? You’re welcome to it.”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel cracked a small smile, looking up at her. “Not unless we both want a high chance of serious brain damage. Would solve both our problems if I could though.”

~ Izei, CMO

She shrugged, “I’ll be dead anyway, so it’s no difference to me.”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel turned to look at her. “You’re not going to die of your disease, I’m not going to let that happen. We’ll find some sort of cure for you whether it helps me too or not.”

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany grinned, but it was a cover for how she really felt, and she didn’t try to hide it either. She was so sick of not being allowed to feel. “I appreciate your dedication, but really I should have died years ago. So,” she shrugged, “If you can’t, it’s okay. It’s a kinder way than how I should have died.”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel shook his head, refusing to accept that answer. “You didn’t, and I won’t let it happen now. It’s fixable, we just need to find the answer.” Just like his problem. It was fixable. He wouldn’t let it not be. “I want to see you better.” And, he surprised himself by realizing, not just because it was his job. Because for the first time since his… incident, he actually cared.

~ Aasrel

“Thank you. I mean I would prefer to not die from this, but some things can’t be cured.” She shrugged again, but this time it was more of trying to stretch tired muscles and a stiff neck. “I mean we may all die in this mission anyway.”

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel shrugged. “I’m fine with that. At least then we died for a reason. I could’ve died on my old ship. I could’ve… you know. Not been rescued. Those would be worse reasons. But if we don’t die on this mission.... You’re not dying of your disease.” He was being stubborn now. “I’m sure there’s a cure. If my production of it can be stopped, so can yours. Or maybe there’s a way to get your brain to use the psylosynine. Either way, I will find an answer.”

~ Izei, CMO

She met his gaze again. “I believe you will.” She had been certain Ryley would too, but…well there was no point dwelling on that. He was gone and whatever assurances he gave went with him. Ryley liked a good puzzle and couldn’t leave it unsolved. Izei had a personal stake in figuring it out. That gave him more drive. She honestly didn’t care if they could cure her or not. Not anymore. If it helped Izei though, she would put up with the poking and prodding. She turned to stare out the window, lost in thought, her perpetual smile replaced with resignation.

Gadi, CoS

Aasrel let the silence stretch for a while, letting her think. Then he checked the time and looked at her again. “So you’re not sleeping?”

~ Izei, CMO

A non-humored single laugh issued out of her mouth. “No. Now that my body can sleep, my memories have decided to run amok. So now I don’t sleep for a totally different reason. Besides, half my dept is gone on this crazy op. Someone has to do the rounds.”

“You?”

Gadi, CoS

“Hmm.” Aasrel responded. “I can always give you a sleep aid, though I’m not sure how much it would help considering the problem is no longer a physical one.” He shrugged, “I get enough sleep.” It was a lie. Even before.. Everything, he’d learned a while ago how to lie to those who couldn’t immediately tell you were lying.

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany raised a very Vulcan like brow at the ‘enough sleep’, but left it alone for the moment. “I thought about asking for one, but what if I’m needed? I can’t be slow or impaired or groggy right now. Of course I can’t really be exhausted either. I will have to manage for now. Can’t stop the mind from dreaming anyway.” She leaned her shoulder against the bulk head, “So are you naturally a night owl? Walking the corridors out of boredom?”

Gadi, CoS

No. Nightmares. He shuddered lightly at the thought. “I used to be a morning person, believe it or not,” He said, “And I couldn’t really focus on books or studies… Yeah, boredom.” He sighed and shrugged. “If you get too tired, please, do come to me. We can find something that’ll help you sleep while still letting you wake up.”

~ Izei, CMO

“Don’t worry, I am not one to avoid medical. I am aware of my limits and when I need help. Nor am I afraid to ask. Contrary to stigma, this security chief does not believe pain makes me stronger.” She smirked slightly. “If you need help waking up, come by my quarters. It is a widely known secret that I have great fresh brewed coffee every morning. If you like coffee that is.”

Gadi, CoS

“Good. Waiting always makes things worse.” Aasrel nodded, “I drink coffee. My roommate in Academy introduced me to it. Might have to take you up on that.” He wasn’t going to be sleeping tonight. He could tell. “You planning on staying up much longer?”

~ Izei, CMO

“Who knows. Right now, I feel like I’ll be up until the crew is back on board in 3 days. Then again, my body might decide to claim sleep by passing out.” Bethany sighed and ran a hand through her light red hair, pulling it back away from her face. “Do I need sleep?”She gave an unhumorous chuckle, “Probably. Will I get it tonight? Highly doubtful. Don’t let me keep you though. No one should have to pace the corridors with me.”

Gadi, CoS