Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in Gadi’s Quarters

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Gadi’s Quarters

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in Gadi’s Quarters

(snip)

Bethany watched her over the lid of her cup. “So you can tell me to go jump a cliff if I’m outta line. I can’t say what it is but my gut tells me something is bothering you. I have worn many many hats over the years. So if I can help in any way, with the mission or otherwise, just say so. I know it’s not how we tend to do things, but I don’t think anything on this mission is going to run anything close to typical.”

Gadi CoS

Contemplating quietly, Shara normally kept her emotions to herself, letting the stoic persona take over as needed. It was harder now. Maybe it was the standard duty assignment. Maybe it was her time on the Manhattan or with Micah, but whatever the reason, she was finding it harder to compartmentalize. She went to say something but the words were hard. Sharing with people she didn’t know very well wasn’t something she was good at. “It’s personal. This mission. These people we’re going up against were willing to use my daughter, frame her as a traitor and promised her a terrible fate.” Her gazed lifted up. “But that alone would make me want to be here, to do this. But being on Voyager, and what happened to the Maquis at the hands of the Dominion meant that we were kept apart for twenty-five years, Bethy. And I just waltzed back into her life trying to suss out whether she was a double-agent or not. And when we finally sorted all that crap out, I promised her I wouldn’t disappear again. That she would always be able to find me. And I’m about to break that promise and I hate everyone for asking me to do it! And one of the people asking me to do all of this, knowing what I’ve been through, what Faye’s been through is my own husband,” she said.

Commander Calloway, CIO

Gadi listened taking it all in. Officers in their position gave up a lot. Put themselves at risk, never made attachments. Calloway had moved past that point, or had thought she had. Lived through so much. Bethany couldn’t imagine going after a target and finding it was her child. And now…well Bethany wasn’t a telepath or an empathy for that matter but the frustration and turmoil were obvious, because Gadi was trained to see it, or make educated guesses. “I might be able to help you keep that promise. I understand the level of trust that would require, so I understand if not. But it’s there. I would need to know soon though days before we reach the nebula.”

Gadi CoS

Did she look skeptical? Probably. But it wasn’t Gadi’s fault that Shara couldn’t trust her intentions just now. Things were too volatile and she couldn’t let too much slip out of her control here or else everything would come tumbling down. As it was, she was being careless with details, even if she had mentally decided a select few people could know about her and Micah so that they were aware of the conflict of interest should it be an issue. “If I need another option, I’ll be sure to let you know. But they said they had taken it into consideration and I have to trust they will do the right thing.” But shy couldn’t she? Why did she doubt it just now? They all had each other’s backs on the Manhattan, why couldn’t she believe that now.

Because she was expendable. They all were.

And Shara no longer wanted to be. Rising out of her chair, she sipped on her coffee and paced the small room. “For nineteen years I’ve been the perfect officer, agent. I’m unconventional as hell, but I always did my job without complaint unless I needed to call out some BS. For nineteen years I had no attachments, and the one time I let myself I made the mistake of thinking I could have what my late husband and I had with someone else. And so I let him go and doubled-down on my work. In nineteen years I’ve refused a couple assignments but never once did I ask anything of them.” She turned to face Gadi, rage etched into her features. “This is the first time in all these years I’ve ever asked for anything. And I’m now once again in an impossible position and… ” She shook her head, words failing her. Her grey-blue gaze found a bare spot on the wall and Shara just felt… lost.

But she exhaled and found words. “I’m not worried about dying. Sure, I got a lot of life left in me but I don’t fear death. But I’m afraid Bethy. I’m afraid for my mind. I already am on the edge and trying to find my way through, but the path just got a lot more cluttered and a lot more dangerous. Sure, I could come out of this alive, but what if I’m lost? I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this knowing those that love me might not get the woman back they love.”

Commander Calloway, CIO