Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Dinui xi’Indrai (Chief Counseling Officer) in side sim - xi’Indrai’s Office - Starting Over

(snip)

Sharah nodded as she sipped her water. “That would be easier, wouldn’t it? Rather than me wondering what was written down or not in his notes. Wondering if I’m repeating myself or not. If I’ve missed something, or talked about it so much that he’s put it in big red letters in my file.” She smiles a little. Her file was massive. She knew, because she never failed to pick up on the shock that people felt at seeing the size of it for someone of her younger age. There was a lot there to go over and the file would only continue to grow as she continued her career. She finishes the croissant. “That was very good. Thank you. Where would you like to start, Dinui? As the patient I prefer to answer your most pressing questions first. When given the chance to choose for myself I tend to speed process and ramble on and it only connects and makes sense in my head. I’m sure there is much for you to learn from me that way, but,” she pauses trying to articulate the thought, “I feel better knowing I’ve answered your most pressing questions/concerns/curiosity first. I tend to second guess myself a lot, so it helps.”

Lt jg Fayth, CSO

Dinui nodded softly, “Well my main reason is I prefer making my own judgment, every counselor is different just as every patient is. You go see three doctors they each generally have their own approach and conclusions.”

Sharah laughed a little, “Oh that’s the truth. That problem right there kept my mother dragging me all over the known galaxy as a kid.”

She looked at Sharah gently, “If you ever need a break just say so I don’t want to have you exhausted or anything. I don’t know the full extent of your ability and if you need me to do something to let you have better focus or something else please let me know.”

“I will let you know. I’m usually very comfortable with counselors. I’ve been seeing them since as long as I can remember. The last year has been very different though in that regard, but honestly I’m glad to be somewhere I can go back to my regular routine.”

Dinui nodded towards the bonsai trees from her collection “I was going to suggest trying taking care of one of those as part of a possible relaxation therapy but since you’re very obviously involved with plants, would you like to perhaps try your hand at painting or would you be interested in cooking lessons if that is you don’t already know?”

• Dinui xi’Indra, Counselor

“Oh I have a Bonsai. I got her when I was 10 and I named her Hope. My adopted uncle gave her to me. I love plants. They are peaceful.” She listens and smiles. “I’ve never been very good at painting, but I can sketch. My doctors had me learn when I as in the hospital when I was 5. It started just as crayon drawings, but then I learned more.” The mention of cooking though, seemed to excite her. “I don’t know how to cook. My mom was afraid I would get hurt. I’ve always wanted to learn. When I was on Earth, one of my research assistants taught me to make pancakes, and I can make French toast, and that’s it.”

Lt. jg Fayth, CSO

Dinui smiled softly, “The whole point of painting isn’t because of skill, it is to create and relax. As for the cooking lessons we can definitely set that up if you want to.” She paused, “we can revisit that in a moment. I know you’re new to the Ark Angel and recently promoted, how are you doing?”

• Dinui xi’Indra, Counselor

Sharah sipped her water thinking about it, and then sighed. She gathered her thoughts, not to be misleading, but to articulate how she felt. She knew, from long years of being under a counselor’s care, that truthfulness was more productive and healthier, even if she didn’t like the truth. “I’m…well I always thought it would be a long time before my career would see me having a department head position. Because of my gift, I am often perceived as being flightily and unfocused. And it makes me very socially awkward.” She seems distracted for a moment, “Traits that are not usually used to describe an effective leader.” Her hands fidget a little and then she stills them in her lap after setting her glass down. “But I discovered, while I was on Earth, I’m actually very good at leading. At least groups that aren’t too large. I’m actually feeling okay about my new position.” She closes her eyes her head turned slightly as if listening to something before forcing her gaze back to the room. “I’m nervous, of course, and science is such a big department, but I’m also excited.” Then more subdued, and a hint of frustration, and maybe shame, “I’m having a hard time adjusting to the size of the ship and the number of people here. No where is really quiet, ever. I feel like I’m on my cadet cruise again.” She picks up her glass more for something to do than the need to drink the water. “I’m afraid I made quite a disgrace of myself when the captain announced my promotion. She was very understanding, but I’m disappointed in myself.” Sharah, with years of being forced to never hedge and be honest always with herself, doesn’t hesitate to admit how she feels about the events, even though others might not willingly give those feelings a voice.

Lt. jg Fayth, CSO

Dinui let her speak and she took her time in forming her response. She focused on each point that Sharah had mentioned, “I know that your promotion was a surprise for you but in general most Captain’s don’t give the work unless they’re confident that you can do it.” She paused to ponder the point that Sharah said that it wasn’t quiet enough, a longer moment. “Perhaps some of your favorite music while you tend to Hope? Or we can try playing music during the painting or cooking lessons perhaps that might help push the excessive thoughts to the background?” She didn’t know if Sharah had tried such measures or not yet. The last point she mentioned, Dinui spoke gently yet firmly, “We are our own worst critics, if the Captain wasn’t upset with you, there’s no reason for you to be disappointed in yourself. I have faith that given the chance you will show yourself that you can do this.”

• Dinui xi’Indra, Counselor

Sharah wasn’t going to tell Dinui about the symphony she heard from plants, from their very primitive emotions. That music was soothing, and one of the reasons she loved her work in the Arboretum so much. But that was a closely guarded secret. She’d contemplated the why’s and how’s of it, and didn’t have an answer, but she hadn’t really taken the time to research it. But after that Andorian Lily in the arboretum, she had an idea forming. But that was a topic for later, not why she was here. “I listen to music a lot. I prefer Earth’s classical composers, or similar. Though,” she blushes slightly, from a memory, “I’ve discovered I like Frank Sinatra as well. But as far as distraction goes, maybe if you could get all the people around me to hear it and focus on it as well, it might.” Sharah wasn’t being sarcastic, it was an honest assessment of the suggestion. “I like music, but there is very little that actually drowns out the sound. Sometimes, distance helps, but it would have to be a lot of distance.” On Earth she and Joseph had discovered that 3 miles, was a good starting point. It had been so incredibly quiet there, so far away from anyone and anything. Life had been…almost normal for her, for a little while.

“I am my own worst critic, I always have been. The trick though, was learning which thoughts were mine, and which ones were not. I still have to remember that now.” She smiles at something, “Calm down, everything’s alright. Don’t be afraid.” She quoting someone or something.
Lt jg Fayth, CSO