Unfortunately the Klingon Bat’leth Masters Synchronised Dancers had an accident in rehearsal. Half the dancers stabbed when they should have blocked, and the ones who blocked weren’t very successful at it, as a result, the Klingon Bat’leth Masters Synchronised Dancers will not be performing tonight. They would like to point out that now is a perfect time to join their ranks if you a) are Klingon b) can dance c) a a bat’leth master d) can use your bat’leth in both stabbing and blocking movements and e) know the difference between stabbing and blocking in the Klingon language. Please note, the ability to perform Klingon-Pop is not needed, but will add an additional benefit to your application.

But now, all the way from their tour of piles of grain throughout Federation space and here for your listening ‘pleasure’ is Commodore Russell ‘Tribble’ Watt and the all singing, all dancing Triblets, with their performance of ‘My Klingon Targ’, it is said to be being performed for the first time ever tonight, in fact, I believe it was ‘Trekified’ over the course of the last hour! Feel afraid, very afraid privileged, yeah, that’s the word, privileged. So, here they are …

The curtains rise, and the stage is set up with a central microphone and four other microphones arranged behind. At the central microphone, looking as though he has washed his tribkini for this very moment (and it looks like its a new formal range of animal-kini attire), is Russell. At the four other microphones are groups of triblets, bounding up and down in unison, though to different heights … could it be, the height they bounce relate to the sound they produce? (As I’m sure no one wants this (already long post) lengthened even further, here’s the TLDR answer to that question - Yes, yes it is … they go left to right Soprano (Highest bouncers), Alto (slightly lower bouncers), Baritone (even lower bouncers), Bass (lowest bouncers).

Commodore Tribble - My Klingon targ
Soprano Triblets – My Klingon targ-iargiargiiargiargiarg
Commodore Tribble – Was feeling fine
Alto Triblets – Was feeling fine-eineineineine
Commodore Tribble - He ate red shirts
Baritone Triblets – He ate red shirteirteirteirts
Commodore Tribble – ‘Twas five to nine
Bass Triblets – ‘Twas five to nineineineine

Commodore Tribble - President Jack acknowledges the president
Soprano Triblets – President Jackiackiackiackiack
Commodore Tribble – Gave him a whack
Alto Triblets – Gave him a whackiackiackiack
Commodore Tribble – And tied him to
Baritone Triblets – And tied him toioioioio
Commodore Tribble – The airtram track
Bass Triblets – The airtram trackiackiackiackiack

Commodore - Nacelles turned blue
Soprano Triblets - Nacelles turned blueueueueueue
Commodore - The tram drew nigh
Alto Triblets- The tram drew nigheigheigheigheigh
Commodore - My Klingon targ
Baritone Triblets - My Klingon targiargiargiargiarg
Commodore - Was sure to die
Bass Tribletss - Was sure to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

At this point the music and the bouncing stops and the lights dim. A scattering of applause starts, unsure exactly what it was …

Then the music restarts, and lights brighten, the triblets now are bouncing in a frenzy and there is no clear distinction between bass, baritone, alto and soprano.

Commodore - I cried nibble
All Triblets – We cried NIBBLE!
Commodore - Nibbled the rope
All Triblets – nibble nibble nibble nibble
Commodore - And I saved my
All Triblets - And I saved myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Commodore - My Klingon Targ
All Triblets – My Kliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingooooooooooooooon Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg

Bass Triblets – I tell you he did noooooooooooooooooooooooooot (when the basses begin not, the Baritones begin)
Baritone Triblets – No he did noooooooooooooooooooooot (when the baritones begin not, the Altos begin)
Alto Triblets – He did nooooooooooooooooooooot (when the altos begin not, the Sopranos begin)
Soprano Triblets – noooooooooooooooooooooot (after a suitably long period when the Bass Triblets are almost in need of a breath, all the triblets breath deeply, and bounce as high as possible)
All Triblets - DIE
Commodore Tribble – I saved his life
Tribble and Triblets – RAWR! (which, unless you happen to be a delicious pile of grain directly in front of the Commodore and the triblets, is not terrifying at all, actually its kind of cute.)

The voice over from the beginning speaks again and says No targs were harmed during this performance. Good taste, ear drums, barbershop music and Federation-Klingon relations suffered a major setback, however.

NB - The above came to me when one of my nephews started singing it yesterday, saying his class sing it in school. He was amazed I knew it because of how old I am. I researched the lyrics. The original song was ‘My Highland Goat’ - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1HsnX5I8E0&list=RDx1HsnX5I8E0&start_radio=1 - you are in for a special treat at the end of the clip … trust me, you don’t want to miss it!

Russell