The Savannah was quiet, although filled with animals lying lazily about. A Zebra was keeping a careful eye on the herd as he for all intents and purposes was simply taking a drink of water next to an OX, while a Gorilla was reclining under a tree reading ‘Chaos Monkeys: Obscene Fortune and Random Failure in Silicon Valley’ for his correspondence Masters class. Nearby a Cockroach lectured about the merits of Linux over other operating systems while cursing all the silly questions people asked about computers, solving most with a simple ‘did you turn it off and on again?’ question and thanking his lucky stars the Collie hadn’t yet cornered him, like she had the Zebra, with her observations about how ‘this doohikey thing does this when you click it this many times and then click that thingymajiggy with the red dot.’

A Serval stretched her claws and gazed down from her tree branch at the two animals below her while the Panda and Koala debated on why a Panda should or should not be defined as a marsupial because she, like the Koala, carried their young in pouches. A Chimpanzee hung lazily from a branch by one arm, the other hand holding a banana that he was chewing without actually peeling it. Above them all a Wise Owl watched and offered advice to those who asked, always calm despite the rather odd antics many of these creatures had a habit of getting up to.

A Tiger was wrestling with his three cubs causing dust devils to swirl around them like mini tornadoes.
Above them all among the lazy clouds a Hawk drifted in the breeze, looking down at the gathered creatures as if waiting a chance to cause mischief. The scene might have looked odd to a passing stranger, so many animals out of their element, so many animals that should have been mortal enemies; but the area around the watering hole on the Savannah was idyllic with everyone living as one big happy family. A dysfunctional family at times, of course, but a family nonetheless.

“Tadpole,” the Border Collie snapped trapping a long sticky tongue under one foot. “We do not eat River-flies,” she said sighing and shaking her head. “They are our friends.” She told him, and they both watched as a Bumblebee buzzed by between them as she held his tongue fast, the Tadpoles eyes following the little stinging creature as it traveled near his helpless tongue while the Collie seemed to dare him to flinch.

“She’s right you know,” the Komodo Dragon said popping her head up from beneath the waves. “Once you start the animal sacrifices its dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria! We don’t want that.” A chuckle sounded from a nearby Turkey at that comment, and some comment about a barbecue being made fading into the distance as the bird wandered off while a patrolling Puffin paused and looked over at them, making sure nobody was doing wrong, narrowing his eyes slightly at the Collie standing on the Tadpoles tongue before shrugging and deciding he saw nothing.

The Border Collie removed her foot from the Tadpole’s tongue and rolled him a ball ready to play the never ending game of fetch.. In this quiet moment a Beaver could be seen trundling among the creatures, chatting and doing her rounds among the group of friends although most people left the Quokka, sleeping under a nearby shrub after a hard night, sleep. The cute little thing had an ever so pleased expression on his sleepy face.

The Komodo Dragon rose from the water and moved up onto a rock, supporting her long and serpentine body on her elbows. “I am sure if you hopped over to that watering hole by Club 119 there could be some tasty morsels to snack on. Wanna catch a bite later?” she splashed some water at the Tadpole playfully.

“Someone’s coming,” the Hawk screeched out as he landed in the tree beside the Wise Owl, the rest of the animals turning their gaze first to him, then in the direction indicated as they watched the newcomer approach.

The newcomer swaggered towards the watering hole with an unmistakable air of self worth, Its brazen confidence instantly noticed by the seasoned animals in the group. It wasn’t a large creature, yet it obviously thought itself superior to most and looked at the assorted creatures, great and small with a critical eye. They were strong as a group but individually the newcomer believed it was most obviously more intelligent and skilled than those that already existed here. “Just so you know…this is now my watering hole. You are all free to stay but do not get in my way.” The thing said, and it was indeed a thing. Small and furry, it all at once seemed to have a tail with feline grace, then seemed to have a robotic appendage or maybe an eye that glowed with a green laser that changed into eyes that looked in different directions. It was definitely odd, as the animals looked at it they all seemed to see different things, yet all of them knew a troublemaker when they saw one.

“Hey you can’t do that,” the yippy Border Collie let her mouth as usual get ahead of logical reason. Her reply was snuffed out as the newcomer swished its furry tail several times in the ground raising a thick cloud of dust, making her cough instead of barking empty threats.

On a nearby rock, a small bird with a long beak opened one eye and surveyed the scene, short but powerful legs crossed in a very ninja zen like pose, sharp toes at rest but twitching slightly. “Patience, learn you must” the Kiwi said softly to the Collie. “Confrontation is not always the way to a desired end. Some things end, or begin, in unexpected ways..” The little brown bird stated cryptically, then took a slow and luxurious bite of a fruit that looked oddly like itself.

The creature looked at the Kiwi with obvious incomprehension, then returned it’s superior gaze to the Collie. “What are you going to do about it little dog?” It said locking eyes with her. Now the Collie was not big nor that strong but she had one gift no one else possessed. It was called the stare. Many of the animals here had fallen to its power, becoming trapped in mindless conversations where time seemed to stand still as she prattled on never giving them that hour (or more) back to their life. The Collie tensed her shoulders and dropped her head locking cold hazel eyes with the creature. The stare was mesmerizing, the newcomer had no power to look away as she stayed motionless. This unfortunately served to paralyze the rest of the animals around the watering hole as well. They had never seen her this quiet or still, it seemed a once in a lifetime event, something of myth and legend.

Longs seconds passed before the Collie noticed something at the edge of the trees surrounding one side of their happy sanctuary. It seemed that the jungle on that side of the small Savannah had come alive, creatures called out warnings and moved out of the way as trees shook as what seemed a large and powerful creature was coming for them. Off to the side, on the rock, the Kiwi began to whistle a tune to himself, sounding oddly like a theme song from Indiana Jones. Finally after what seemed a wait that lasted far too long, and during which the Collie to everyone’s amazement still had not moved her unflinching stare from the small furry thing invading their sanctum, the tree’s parted at the edge of the Savannah to reveal the approaching juggernaut.

It was not another newcomer but someone that visited often, and was recognized instantly by most. He had been asked to join them yet until now had decided to stay put. In a blinding rush he burst through the trees like a thick gray tank barreling everything over in his path. Luckily the inhabitants of the waterhole were not in his path as he approached them and came to a halt, stretching after a long day at work and then dropping his bulk, rear end first to the ground to join his friends. While the inhabitants were not in his way, another thing was.

“Are we gonna do this all……D’oh!!” the newcomer started to bellow before a huge unforgiving weight fell on him knocking all the wind out of his insulted lungs. The grunt and audible loss of air as the weight pressed down on him broke the stare of the Collie, who blinked in obvious surprise at this turn of events. “Fortune and Glory, kid” the Kiwi said, hopping up from his rock and wandering over towards them with panache. “Fortune and Glory.”

“Umm hello,” the Collie said slowly walking around to face the visitor who was now sitting comfortably on the evil newcomer that tried to usurp the watering hole. “Thank you for the help but you know you are… um…. sitting on someone right,” she asked politely taking a seat in front of him.

“I AM?” said the gray animal with a half smirk and a knowing wink. “Are you sure? I can’t feel a thing.”

The Kiwi came around next to the Collie and the flattened usurper and stared at it for a moment. All that could be seen was a small furry head sticking out of, somewhere. “I’m not sure its eyes are supposed to be doing that” he stated as he looked down at the thing.

She cocked her head to one side and looked at the evil usurpers face. It’s eyes were bulging much like the classic cartoon from her youth about a coyote and roadrunner. Just then, a low rumbling sound, like a stampede perhaps, came into existence and the furry things cheeks seemed to wobble in response. “Well, that thing chose….poorly” the Kiwi stated with a grin and a raised eyebrow.

“Ten dollars on the gray guy,” the Zebra whispered to the Ox who nodded, taking the bet. The bet was a losing one for the Ox but he still took it knowing already what the outcome of this situation would be. That was just his way and he would stand by it, he always backed the little guy until he didn’t.

“I had a choice. The horn or the hindquarters. I try to be reasonable until I don’t have to anymore,” the big gray guy replied with a yawn.

“I can bah heee….reeee..sonable,” the usurper choked out now trying to extricate his body backwards instead of forwards but discovering there was no wriggle room either way..

“That mean you are planning to mosey on?” the gray guy asked. After several grunts and promises, he finally stood up to let the usurper slink off looking for another watering hole to terrorize, having learned his lesson. However after a moment, it appeared the thing had simply disappeared. “Where did it go?” The grey guy asked, looking around.

“One moment” the Kiwi said, walking around behind the grey juggernaut and taking hold of something, then with a mighty tug for such a small bird, and a large popping sound that echoed off the trees and scared the birds on the jungle, the Kiwi extracted the furry thing from the grey giants rear end and shook it down so it could stand on its own two feet. “Let me look after that” the Serval said, climbing down from the tree and placing one small but extremely sharp and clawed paw on its shoulder. “I’ll take it from here” she said and moments later the two of them had disappeared into the jungle.

The Collie immediately stood up and looked at the visitor that saved them with the power of his Gluteus Maximus. “What’s your name, your real name?” she asked him with a series of tail wags that made her own butt move back and forth rapidly.

“I don’t have one. I never have. I have always just been Kane,” he answered her gently and humbly.

The Collie looked him up and down before announcing, “You should be called Rhinoceros or Rhino for short. It means nose horn. You also need a rank. See around the watering hole we all have areas we protect which is why the rest of the Club call some of us Captain. My area is called the Atlantis, the Kiwi here is greedy and has an area called the Saracen and another the Challenger, but we have an open slot at a very special place called the Manhattan. You would be a perfect fit. You have shown strength, solid judgement, quick wit and a great approach to solving problems with a flair none of us expected, just like one who is much loved by us all.” The Collie and the Kiwi both looked at the Ox at this and nodded, pleased to see their friend smiling back at them, it felt so reassuring. So Welcome Captain Rhino,” the Border Collie said happily.

“Sounds good to me, I second that” said the Kiwi. “Welcome Captain Rhino, hurrah!” and other such replies filled the air as the other animals approached introducing themselves. The Collie smiled happy her friend now was taking his place among them. He deserved to be here and the Collie was secretly excited to see all the amazing things Captain Rhino would be able to show everyone in his new position.

“Whoa whoa whoa there Collie,” the Zebra said taking a step forward and assuming his Imperial persona. “We have a way of doing things and this…this is not it. Again.” He sighed, “It’s why you still have a mentor.” Clearing his throat he then spoke. “Prepare the podium!” Kate the Collie let out a small growling laugh, she knew the Zebra was right. After the podium was rapidly put together, Kate herded the Rhino up the steps and to the small stage that had been quickly erected for this very special and honored occasion. All the animals from A to Z gathered around to watch the ceremony in, unusually, hushed expectation, although some thought it fun to begin a game of Toss the Tribble between sections of the crowd.

“Today friends I am pleased to announce that our friend James Sinclair will now be known as Captain Rhinoceros. With that, he will receive all the rights and privileges bestowed on a member of this Club bearing the rank of Captain,” the Collie announced wagging her tail happily as she gazed at her large friend beside her. “Welcome Captain Rhino!” she barked, and in front of her all the animals clapped and whistled, clucked and beeped and grunted, hissed and squawked and meowed and all the rest, and all of them hoped the new Captain would not try to crowd surf.

Off to the side, the Kiwi smiled and nodded at his friend the Rhino, then at his friend the Collie and finally at his very dear friend, the Ox. The Rhino deserved the name and the position, and the Kiwi knew, as did the Border Collie, that the Rhino was going to do them all very, very proud.

Moral to the story: Don’t mess with the Rhino’s herd or you’ll get the horn: Unless you are really unlucky and get shown the hindquarters.

Captain Kate ‘Border Collie’ O’Neill and Fleet Captain David ‘Kiwi’ Shotton.