Posted by Cadet Matthew Riley (Scientist) in CNS Office: Cadet Riley Psychological Evaluation

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Hilo (Counselor) in CNS Office: Cadet Riley Psychological Evaluation

Posted by Cadet Matthew Riley (Scientist) in CNS Office: Cadet Riley Psychological Evaluation
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

Hilo nodded in approval and grinned, infected by Riley’s enthusiasm. “A practical approach indeed! Starfleet is never easy, no matter how much experience you have before you join. I think it takes a special kind of person to purposefully make the academy more difficult for themselves… but, your range of knowledge will be an asset both to this crew and whatever main fleet ship you are placed on after your tenure here. It sounds like you’ve prepared yourself well.”

The counselor paused. “I am curious as to why you think being a ‘brave captain’ is ‘not you’. There are plenty of science officers who become captains, and research vessels are some of the most important ships in Starfleet. Exploration is an integral part of our mission, after all.”

(Lt. Cmdr. Hilo, Counselor)

Matthew snorted a brief laugh. “There’s a huge difference between performing active research, even leading a research team, and leading a starship.” He shook his head and leaned back into the loveseat.

“For starters, the road there is difficult for someone with executive function disorder,” he gestured at the counselor’s nearby PADD, assuming his file would be on it. “Even with a seratonin stimulator.” He paused and shrugged.

“The… the Pikes, Garretts, and Sulus of the world, of the galaxy - they’re made of something different than the rest of us.” He stared off into space for a moment and chuckled softly, a sound both rueful and longing. “I know myself, counselor, and I know my limitations.” He looked back into the counselor’s eyes.

“Don’t get me wrong, I will be the best science officer I can be; I’m going to give it my all; but inherently, I will never be a captain.”

He shrugged again and smiled. “It is what it is. I’m not upset about it.”

OOC: Great job with the snip! And I love the thought you’ve put into your character!

IC: There was a twinkle in Hilo’s dark eyes as he smiled slyly. “Starfleet’s not supposed to be easy, right?” He chuckled at the parroting. Then he held up his hands in front of his chest defensively. “I’m not saying that you should jump right into command training, mind you. Of course for now, you should focus on being that great science officer. However… I’d caution you against ruling out your potential within Starfleet, especially this early.”

The counselor sat back slightly, folding his hands in his lap. “I’m curious, cadet. You said you know your limitations. Would you mind sharing with me what those are?”

(Lt. Cmdr. Hilo, Counselor)

Riley chuckled along with the counselor as he repeated his own words back to him. “That’s just wrong, Counselor,” he affected a wounded sound to his voice, then laughed.

His face dropped some when the counselor asked his second question. He leaned forward, licked his lips, then sat back again, opened his mouth, paused, and closed it again before finally starting.

“I’m sure its in my file, but I was diagnosed with executive function disorder my first year at university.” He paused and looked questioningly at Hilo. “Do Risians have that?” He shook his head quickly, moving on from the question. “Anyway, it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain - I don’t produce enough of the ‘reward’ chemical for my brain to recognize when it’s being ‘rewarded’, along with other things. It leads to…” his voice drifted off as he again considered his words. “Bouts of focus and lack of focus. When something grabs my focus, and gets a large dose of that chemical, I’m all in, 110%.” He laughed. “Sometimes literally. My brain chases that high.”

He frowned. “But when it doesn’t get it, it moves on, quickly. I had… difficulties that first year.” Matthew took a deep breath. “I spent hours upon hours in holodecks, chasing that high. I nearly failed.” He leaned forward again, hands folded, elbows on his knees. “They diagnosed me with a holodeck addiction, and a couple of weeks into treatment with EFD.” He tapped the back of his head. “Got a serotonin stimulator implant, which keeps my base levels around the same as a normal human, so that when I get a dose from my brain, small though it may be, it’s enough to make my brain recognize the reward.” He shook his head again. “I know way too much about this for a guy who’s primary focus in physics,” he said ruefully, then sighed.

“It can still be difficult. Still have a tendency towards those focus waves. I avoid holodecks. Actually,” he looked up at the counselor. “Could you have me locked out of the holodecks, please?”

• Cadet Riley, Science

Hilo nodded along as Riley explained his condition, his face more serious than it had been so far. When he asked the final question, Hilo paused for a long moment. Eventually, he said “I’m glad that modern medicine has been able to develop a solution that allows you to reach your full potential. Our technology today truly is extraordinary.”

Again the counselor paused to consider Riley. “I appreciate that you are committed to maintaining your sobriety. Your request shows a great deal of self awareness. However… holodecks are useful for many things. You may have a project for your department that requires running simulations. You may be invited by a peer to attend an event in a holodeck that could help you form better relationships with the crew. Locking you out of the holodecks entirely is not my favorite idea. Have you found yourself tempted to use the holodeck for unhealthy reasons in the recent past?”

(Lt. Cmdr. Hilo, Counselor)