Posted by Lieutenant Commander Janusz Korczak (Counselor) in CNS Office - Like The White Rabbit, The CMO Is Late For a Very Important… Check In (TAG CMO)

Posted by Lieutenant Tija Aizala (Chief Medical Officer) in CNS Office - Like The White Rabbit, The CMO Is Late For a Very Important… Check In (TAG CMO)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Janusz Korczak (Counselor) in CNS Office - Like The White Rabbit, The CMO Is Late For a Very Important… Check In (TAG CMO)
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Chewing on her lower lip, Tija tried to remember. Another long silence on her part followed Korczak’s words. When she finally spoke again, her voice was soft and sounded uncertain. “I think my hands were all pink … from the berries, maybe … and the leaves … are … kind of stiff … with tiny, sharp points … and the branches had small thorns. We must have picked topaja berries. They taste and smell very sweetly.”

~Lt. Tija, Asst. CMO

Korczak let the memory sit in her mind a moment before speaking. “Now hold onto that image, those tastes and smells. Look around you, at the bushes, the berries, the rocks and leaves… and then… look at your sister. Tell me about her.”

Korczak, CNS

With her eyes still closed, Tija nodded. She tried to really see the berry bushes and all. Subconsciously and without noticing that she as doing it, the doctor started to turn her head this way and that; only slightly at first, but eventually much more. As she talked again, her head was turned to the right and tilted slightly backwards, as if she was looking up at someone or something. “Her hands are as pink as mine … it looks like someone tried to braid her hair without much success … it’s too curly for that … she is wearing brown pants and boots … and a cream coloured shirt … there is some green on it too … and pink stains.” Her voice broke slightly at those last words and she swallowed hard before she continued to talk. “Her arms, neck and face are incredibly freckled … her lips are tinted pink … she is beaming … and laughing, I think … she looks down at me …” At some point tears had started to run down her cheeks without her even noticing it consciously. And her voice became softer and more and more chocked up, till she felt unable to talk anymore.

~Lt. Tija, Asst. CMO

Koczak smiled and said “That image. Hold onto that image. Make it yours. Then you will know, without doubt, that that memory is no one else’s but yours. And that is something you can rely on when you need it. With that memory… you do not ever have to be alone, no matter where you are.”

Korczak, CNS

Tija nodded silently. Her face was slightly screwed up and her hands tightened over her knees with her nails digging into her skin through the fabric of her uniform. She tried with all her might to memorise every tiny aspect of this memory, despite the fact that - while a happy memory - it also hurt to remember.

Eventually, Tija opened her eyes again, but her gaze dropped almost instantly to her lap. It took her a couple more minutes to unclench at least one of her hands. Once she did, she pulled up her sleeve and quickly brushed away the tears and wiped her nose with her sleeve. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, her voice thick with emotion, her eyes still cast down. “I’m not usually one to cry.”

~Lt. Tija, Asst. CMO

Korczak chuckled slightly. “Well, I won’t tell if you don’t.” and he let a few moments pass in silence.

A small, lopsided smile crept onto Tija’s face.

“You know, I understand what pain loss can bring… academically, professionally, and personally. But I want you to work on something going forward. I want you to try not to hold back on experiencing loss. It’s part of everything, the only difference is the amount of emotions those losses bring forth in us. And if we are honest with ourselves, allow ourselves to experience the emotions tied to our losses, then we become more adept at dealing with loss. Not hardened against loss, mind you. But more capable of accepting and adjusting to those losses. And we, especially those of us in a Medical arena, can become proficient at dealing with loss ourselves; then we we will be better able to help our patients do the same.”

Korczak, CNS

Frowning sligthly, Tija thought about his words for a couple of moments before asking, “How do I do that? I -” She stopped herself and biting down on her lower lip, tried to find a way to phrase her concerns in a way that didn’t sound like she was a lost case. Eventually she continued, “I know that allowing vulnerability and showing vulnerability can be strength. But how do I keep the balance? How can I let my guard down and not lose control?”

~Lt. Tija, Asst. CMO